Returning from the long absence!!!

Well, it's been a few weeks since I've blogged... Those last few weeks before Christmas were just a mad house with shopping, cleaning for the company, school activities and such. It felt truly mad there for a while! We were Soooo happy to have all our family here for a week over Christmas though. They all stayed from Saturday to Saturday and although it was slightly crazy at moments, it was soooo much fun. We played tons of games, made cookies, made a ton of great food, went to the Georgia Aquarium and to the wildlife reserve... and all in all, just had a wonderful time.

Having said all that, it's also nice today to have our house sooooo quiet! :) Philip is blessed to have this week off work also, so we are enjoying a week of Daddy time. I even got to go see a movie this weekend with a girlfriend and her daughter!!! (BTW, Marley and Me is a GREAT one). We are trying to fit in a date night for mom and dad, but we still have to work hard to find a sitter for all four kids (anyone free one night this week, or afternoon this week - we'll take what we can get! ha!).

We've had some mysterious illnesses... Michael had to go to the Minute Clinic last weekend for a sinus infection, and the PN said she heard a heart murmur. I, of course, came home and googled it... and was prepared for it to be something or nothing. We took him to the dr today, and lo and behold - she couldn't find it! :) Ethan has also popped up with a mysterious lump in his neck, measuring 3 cm x 2 cm.... they decided it was a swollen lymph node - maybe cat scratch fever... anyhow, we're getting him on antibiotics. Trinity is on antibiotics for yet AnOTHER ear infection (I hope to get to the ENT in January) and the CAT is on antibiotics for some mysterious illness too.... Good grief!

I'm also quite sad because my laptop seems to have finally decided to "bite the dust". I'm currently using Philip's laptop... which I will probably have to inherit, as mine was the only computer we had with internet at home.. The joys of technology. :)

Please continue to pray with us about Dad's job. It was so hard to have him leave here after Christmas and go back to Missouri. We have such a deep desire in our heart for him to live here, and one we believe he shares... Philip and I both feel we have kind of 'slid off the saddle' in our prayer life lately, so we have renewed our ferver in that area and will be lifting this up daily. Please join us... We truly and finally feel settled here in GA. We feel like it's home, despite missing our family and friends so much.

Catching up...

Well, as life has gotten busier, I've gotten less and less frequent at blogging.. which I said I wasn't going to do!!! But, I fall into old habits easily.. so anyways, trying to catch up here.

Well, much to my chagrin, we are still waiting on Dad to find a job here. I keep on "PUSH"ing (Pray Until Something Happens), but everytime I pray about it, God's gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) voice reminds me "MY timing isn't your timing." :( I know He has it in his hands, and his will, but if it were in my hands, He would be here already! Obviously, it's not. Despite the 30+ resumes we send out a week! He has been getting phone calls on a weekly basis, phone interviews, and even has at least one or two interviews during the week of Christmas when he's here. I suppose I need to 'let go' a little, but we have room for him, He wants to come, We want him to come... HELLO, what are we waiting on?

On a happier note, we are just grateful... we are grateful for Philip's job, for what God is doing for him and through him... and for our home, our family, where GOd has led us. We are happy here, despite missing our friends and family. We are happy to be wherever God has led us!

Tis the Season... to pass it around

At least in our house it seems.. Pass it, catch it... Any kind of illness, that is! Poor Trinity was really sick last week! After 2 dr visits, and 2 days of 103 fever, poor girl had another ear infection and possibly strep. She's on day 4 of antibiotics and seems to be finally feeling better. Good to see my happy girl again!! Then last night, after we have a great afternoon of some Christmas shopping (complete with a sitter for the boys), we look at Michael and realize he is getting pink eye. :( Thank goodness we have drops left from last spring, so we started dosing him up. Christian was up coughing all night, which warranted him to stay home today from school... so I've been home with the four kids, trying to sanitize and isolate all those nasty germs. Fun. Winter season with four kids always is interesting here!!

We did finally get a tree up this weekend, and are having fun getting them in the Christmas spirit. Mostly though, we are just counting down the days til December 20th, when all the family comes to visit! YA!!! I wish it were this weekend already!!!

Christmas gifts

Well, Christmas has snuck up on me yet again. I'm all psyched for thanksgiving, and then bam-I have 24 shopping days til Christmas!
I've tried to start some on-line shopping, as it doesn't require me to take ANY kids to a store where I hear , "Can I have this, can I have that..." or the "I want" . (Commonly referred to as the "Green eyed monster" in our house!) My dilemma this year is what to get my kids this year for Christmas that A) Wont be laying around the house in 2 weeks B) Can't be used as a weapon of mass destruction against a brother, sister or parent C) Won't cost me an arm and a leg but D) Make my little green eye monster happy. :) Really truly I want to not 'overdue' it this year, and teach my kids more and more about the spirit of Christmas as they get older. YET, I want them to have wonderful memories of Christmas' spent as a family. I *Think* we are getting one big present that will be for them all, and then one small one for them to open. But then you have stockings too... you see how it so easily gets out of hand. I think for stockings, I want to stick to stickers, temporary tattoos... you know, little items... Our family is coming to visit this year for Christmas, and to us, that means more than anything we can open, but when you're 3, 4 and 6.. you still want something to rip the paper off of. :)

Got any great suggestions on how to remind my kids of the "reason for the season"?

Back from traveling!

Well, after a long absence on the internet world, I have returned! :) The kids and I were gone for 8 days and it was quite a whirlwind. I felt like I spent the entire week before we left, getting ready to go and then the day we've been back, I've spent trying to unpack and do laundry... and I still have neither one done! :) It's quite a task to get 4 kids halfway across the country with snacks, toys, blankies, pillows and everything else they need! I am happy to say though that I drove with just the kids and I, the entire journey to KC. We had a very nice dinner with Philip's Uncle Lynn and Aunt Gloria, who now live in Nashville. We then made it all the way to Paducah, KY and spent a very-unrestful night together in a hotel room. :( Other than that, we had few glitches in the road and got there Saturday afternoon. I now feel like I have conquered the world by driving 14 + hours with them all and still having my sanity!

We had a wonderful week with family and friends, and the boys especially enjoyed seeing everyone, since this was their first trip back since moving. The drive home was all in one day, but thankfully Philip was with us, so it was easier with 2 drivers (although harder to do it all in one day). I am just happy we all made it safe and sound there and back! We are looking forward to all our family coming to visit in about 3 weeks for Christmas!

I am also happy to report that when we got home, it actually felt like "home" now. I miss all our friends and family still, but it clicked, as we drove in our garage - we were home. Canton and Georgia are now home to us, and in spite of it all, that feels really good. Welcome home!

WONDERFUL Saturday at a Wildlife Reserve

Well, it has been a wonderful weekend. A reminder that I still think God "Drew us apart to draw us together." We spent pretty much the whole weekend together as a family. It was relaxing and just wonderful.

Saturday, we took the advice of my new friend Kristin and took the kids to a local Game Ranch/Wildlife Reserve. It's about an hour drive, close to Stone Mountain. OH My goodness, it was worth the 50 minute drive!!! We had so much fun, as you can tell from the pictures! It's filled with deer, squirrels, chickens, rabbits, pigs, bears, cougars (the dangerous animals are caged) and more... The deer and the tame animals just wander through the park and are fed, petted... it's amazing! We had deer following us, eating from our hands - they even let the kids hug them! The squirrels would literally run up to you, sit on their back feet and beg from you. It was simply awesome to be so close to all of these 'wild animals'!!!! Makes me think how wonderful it must have been in the Garden of Eden - where Adam and Eve walked among the animals and just 'hung' with them, as my kids would say. I can't even imagine walking beside a mountain lion... talking with them maybe? All beyond my imagination, but our little glimpse this weekend was exhilirating! We plan to take the rest of our family when they come for Christmas!

I'm off tomorrow night to do my first bargain workshop here, and then spending the week getting ready for my long journey with the kids!! :) Anyone have any extra benadryl?:)

My bargain workshops starting here... :)

Well, since moving, I have been FRUITFULLY enjoying living in the land of double coupons!! :) Both Publix and Kroger (my local grocery stores) double coupons up to .50... and have some dang good sales too! We moved and had to start totally over with freezer goods, which sucks, cause I had my whole deep freeze packed (we gave the deep freeze away to Jonathan and Tabby). So anyways, I now have a side by side freezer upstairs and another one downstairs.. not as big as a deep freeze, but still. I have now FILLED those freezers to the BRIM, and pretty much for almost nothing. :) Not to mention the slew of other great deals I've found.

Anyways, Philip has been telling some of his co-workers about my bargain shopping classes, as well as some of our new neighbors. I also met a lady the other day at CVS, as I was checking out... I was having a particularly good "CVS" night.. paid almost nothing for an entire cartful of stuff. She wanted to know how I did that, and after a little talk, she is hosting my next Bargain Shopping workshop here.

I might just say that I was content to let that go... not that I don't enjoy it and not that I don't think it's a great thing to share... I just figured that since I hardly knew anyone here that it wasn't realistic to start something that basically requires networking. I guess God has other plans!!! I am trying to let myself just be used by him, however he wants!!!

Family and such

Just had to say that we had a most wonderful time during the last 24 hours. Philip's Aunt June, Uncle Lowell, Uncle Lynn, Aunt RaeEsther and his grandma all stayed with us last night! June, Lowell, Rae Esther and Grandma were all on their way back to Pennyslvania and we learned that Uncle Lynn now lives in Nashville, so within a 4hour drive!! The amazing part is that we have a big enough house to accomodate everyone too!!!! The boys had a blast learning some new 'kung fu' moves (as they call them) from Uncle Lowell and I was reminded time and time again where Trinity gets her red hair and her looks!! She is DEFINITELY a Wise! :) Anyways, we had so much fun having a big taco dinner with them, and talking... its so nice to see family!!! So who's next? :)

I also heard back on my dad's interview... He had been waiting and waiting to hear... only to find out there is MORE waiting! Apparently, they want the 'interim controller' to give his input on hiring - and he was out this week and now all next week too.... so we continue to pray and wait!~ Did I mention that I HATE waiting? :) :):):) Maybe God's trying to sneak in a lesson on patience! :):):)

Other than that, we are enjoying the warm fall weather in GA. This week has been in the 70's and man, it's NOVEMBER! I'm looking forward to seeing what winter is like here!

And we also decide that we are going to KS for thanksgiving! ya! We are so excited. It should be interesting though, because the kids and are going to drive the 12-14 hours, and spend the whole week and then Philip will fly in on Wednesday and join us. Christian has the whole week of school and it seemed like a waste not to pack in some great friends/family time while we could. I think I need some prayers though for all those hours on the road with 4 kids! I must be crazy!

Our newest addition!!!

Daddy brought home a surprise for us on Halloween night!! His name is Zeus, and he's just about the cutest thing ever! He doesn't ever get to walk, because there is a long line of hands waiting to hold him! :) Technically, he was Trinity's birthday present... but I think we all know who the cat lover is in this family!

Bear thinks he is a proud new 'papa' because he follows this kitten around like it's his little lost baby. So all in all, I think he's fitting into the family quite well!

We also had a wonderful visit with Paula and Herb this weekend, who stayed with us for the weekend. It's always so nice to have family here - feels like a breath of fresh air, since we miss all our family so much.

We are still waiting to hear about the possible job offer for my dad, so PLEASE keep praying. :)

Miss 'Thang' is walking!

Happy Birthday Trinity Zion!!!!!

My baby is ONE today!! My baby girl, for whom I prayed for 5 years for - is turning one!!! I still distinctly remember the day, in my prayer time, when God told me, "You will have another baby. A daughter. Her name will be Trinity Zion, for she will be a new beginning and a healing." I wasn't pregnant yet, and in fact, we weren't both on board to even have another baby yet... Now, I'm not one to doubt God or his voice, but considering what He was saying was exactly what I'd been hoping for ever since the day Alexandra died (another daughter), it was almost one of those 'too good to be true'. A few weeks later, Philip said "Let's have another baby"... and exactly four weeks later, I was pregnant. :) I held those words so close to my heart, hoping that they truly were God and that she was a girl. At 20 weeks, Lynn (the same sonogram technician who was there and told us that Alexandra had died) said, "I can tell you 100% what you're having. That, my friend, is a little girl!" I still am tearing up just thinking about it. Philip and I cried all day, I think!! I love my boys more than words will ever express, and yet, there was something so healing for me about having another daughter. She truly has been lived up to her name "Zion" ... she has healed a part of my heart that was, until now, untouched. After a scheduled induction, in which she never progressed past a 4, 28 hours of labor, then a c-section - she is worth all the wait!

She is now walking and trying to talk, and has been the sweetest, most amazing little girl I could have ever asked for! I pray that with a name as powerful as her, that God continues to use her in amazing ways! Happy Birthday, baby~!

Slowly but surely...

Slowly but surely, this feels like home. :) I actually have TWO whole friends here now. Friends that I talk to on a regular basis and who I can call if I need to talk or vice versa... what a good feeling. I still miss my friends back in KS so much that if I think about it much, my heart hurts.

YET, there is an overwhelming peace about being where God wants us to be. The sermon at church yesterday was about Jonah and running from God... and it was a great feeling to know that we are NOT running from Him, but have done (to the best we can) what we feel like He wants us to do. And, it's a really good feeling to not be church-hunting anymore. As we sat at our prayer couch Saturday night, thanking God for sending someone to lease our house and for all He has done for us, I again reiterated that this church, in so many ways, is the most unlikely of places for us. :) Yet, we started giving our tithe to this church this week (instead of sending it back to KS) and man - it feels very good to be more and more settled.

We did a little more decorating this weekend, while my dad was here. OUr house really feels like our home now. :) I feel like in many ways, that my heart is in two places... but that God is slowly but surely filling my heart here. I firmly believe He has us here for a reason, although those reasons are still revealing themselves day by day. We had many conversations with each other and others, before we moved, about how much easier it would have been to pack up our home and our kids to move away if God had called us to the ministry, or to missions or something that the 'churched' define as 'ministry'. Yet, He didn't. He simply called us to be obedient and to follow the urgings in our hearts to go to a city where we knew almost no one and had to rely soley on HIM. Maybe that alone was His simple calling... I don't know, but I'm thankful to be able to tell my kids as they get older.. "Why did we move to Georgia?" "Because God told us to". :)

On a last note, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having a prayer couch. In 8 years of marriage, we've never had something like this before, and in many ways, it's changing our prayer time together.
Please continue to pray for my dad through this week, and for the hiring company. I cannot even express how much we hope for him to get this job!!

HALLELUJAH - P.U.S.H.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!

Words cannot express my job today! P.U.S.H. WORKED! The company working with our house called today and OUR HOUSE IN KANSAS is under lease/purchase contract!!! Pray Until Something Happens - and IT DID!!!!!!! We have been paying 2 mortgages for 3 months now, and thank GOD, that time is ending!!!!!!! You can't imagine the amazing burden that has been lifted!

I also wanted to update.. My dad had a job interview here on Friday! He already had a trip planned here, and on Wednesday, a company called and asked if he could be at an interview on Friday. :) Well, he sure could! The interview went well! He has a follow up phone interview on Monday or Tuesday, and then they will make the decision by the end of next week (they also have 2 more interviews). Not only would it mean he would move here, but it's a substantial pay increase for him!!!! So please continue to P.U.S.H. on that!!!! :):)

Did I mention HALLELUJAH!?

P.U.S.H.

There is a little church down the road that I pass about 5 x a week, if not more. I pass in the way to Christian's games, as well as Walmart and various other destinations. Honestly, I'd be surprised if they have 50 people at their church.. but they have a little announcement kiosk by the road. For the past 2 weeks, they've had the following message on it.
"P.U.S.H Pray Until Something Happens". I LOVE IT ! It is my new personal motto. :) I wrote it on a sticky note and stuck it in the kitchen and am going to put one on the bathroom mirror too!! I have a couple of things that I'm "Pushing" for for, such as my dad getting a job here and moving (asap too!) and our house in KS to lease/sell. For anyone who doesn't know, we are on month 3 of paying 2 mortgages and although I am eternally grateful that God has provided for us to be able to pay them both, we can't continue to do it forever. It's making it impossible to pay off debt. So please remember those if you are thinking of us.

Trinity has been getting four teeth this week. FUN! She is getting up in the night, early in the morning, refusing to nap and just hanging on me non-stop. Joyous! BUT it is fun to see her get those top teeth and look more like a big girl. :) She also learned to say "Cheez" and scrunch her nose when she thinks you're taking her picture...and to take my phone, put it to her ear and pretend to talk. Not even one and she wants her own cell phone! LOL. But we crossed a major milestone this week - we are DONE With formula - FOREVER!! TO some, that's a nice thing, but considering I've been buying formula off and on for SIX years - HELLO - it's amazing! :)
Again, God has given me such a peace that our little family (okay, not so little) is complete. There are times I see those tiny babies or those pregnant mama's and for about 20 seconds, I feel that 'tug' .. and then my kids start screaming and fighting in the background and that vanishes as quickly as it came. :) It's an odd feeling to know that part of our lives is behind us and done (the being pregnant and having babies part), considering I'm only 31... yet, I don't really want to do it all again! I still have 7 non-budging pounds of baby weight to lose (suggestions anyone?), we're now done with formula, I only have one in diapers .. I don't want to start over, I just enjoy being pregnant and enjoy having a newborn. But, as with everything else, there is a time and place. Our time and place is over for that, and it's time to 'raise' them. Next year I'll have TWO kids in school full time.. I'm anxious to go back to school and go back to a career.. but it's just weird to absorb we're never having anymore babies. Anyways, I'm rambling ... I seem to have a lot of time on my hands this week, combined with lack of daytime-adult-conversation - so cyberworld gets to be my audience. ;) I guess if you don't like it, don't read it!

PS.. Here's a picture of my crazy girl from this week!

End to the church hunt!

Well, God has both a mission AND a sense of humor!!! As everyone knows, it's been a long couple of months of 'church hunting'. To go from a church home that literally is HOME and family, and to try to find that again is nothing short of miraculous....and well, probably wrong. God didn't lead us 14 hours away to put us in the same spot.

We've visited several churches, both big and small. I think we were looking for a fit, for family, for a place we felt like 'home'. Last week and today, we visited a church called "The River". It's a church plant, located about 5 minutes from our house, and is about 120 people. It's a young church, rough around the edges... Worship isn't that smooth yet, there are so many things that are still being figured out. Last week, we came home and Philip said that something 'clicked' for him... that he felt like maybe there was a spot for us and work to be done. Quite honestly, I came home thinking "well, where do we try next"? We even had another church we planned on visiting today, but decided last night that it was too far and for convenience sake, we would go to The River again.

Did I mention that God has a sense of humor? :) Today's message was about Jonah and Ninevah... how God sent him to Ninevah and it wasn't what Jonah had envisioned for his life. Well, call me Jonah. God gently - okay, NOT so gently, reminded me that He sent us here for reasons. Not just for Philip's job, not just for the friends we're making, but for a plethora of reasons. I believe the River might be part of that. There is a time to 'be served' and a time to 'serve'. I believe, after being so loved, taught, trained, blessed.. etc, that God has moved us to another place and another part of the journey, and that its time to put some of that to use. He has built in us a strong foundation of faith and family, and there is a need for us at the River. I guess I feel like we spent 10 years in Kansas being 'raised' like we raise our kids. Now we are (so to speak) like the 18 year old, being booted out and told that 'it's time to practice what you were taught'.....

Anyways, long story short,.. I think we found our church! It's not at all what we were expecting, nor looking for, and yet, I believe God has a place for us there. I am dreading it and excited, all at the same time... if that makes sense. Excited to see what He has for us and how He continues to stretch us.. as well as dreading the 'stretching pains' that will inevitably come along. We are where we are.. right where He put us. Thank you for the prayers of leading, as I believe He is showing us a step at a time. Funny how Gods plan is almost NEVER what we foresee, and yet turns out to be just perfect.

Now if we can just get someone to rent our house in Kansas! :)

Patience

For the past several days, I feel so often like I fail more as a parent than I succeed. If you don't know what I mean by that, then you probably shouldn't read the rest of this. :(

Let me begin by saying that three of my four kids are pretty easy kids. We have a few bumps in the road, but for the most part, they don't stretch me as a parent. Then, I have one of my children, who shall remain nameless in blogging world, ... who, well, stretches me. I can't decide if he is more like me than the others or the complete opposite, but no matter which one - I have days where I feel like I just can't WIN! Not that parenting is a win/lose situation, but you know what I mean. No matter what I do, this child is never happy, never content, never satisfied. If I give him chocolate milk, he wanted juice. If I give him juice, he wanted milk. Simple choices like "What do you want for breakfast" turn into a 20 minute argument because I don't fix it right, etc. I love this child more than words can express...but I just don't know how to get through to him!!!!!

I started thinking today how much God must identify. No matter what He gives me, I always find something else to want or complain about..... Gee, I feel like the pot calling the kettle black.
I'm glad that God continues to be patient with me, humble me, teach me and show me grace. Therefore I will continue to pray that I can do the same for my child and my children. God don't give up on me yet and I won't give up on them either!

Whew!!

Well, 2 birthdays in one week will wear a girl out! :) I officially have a 3 year old, 4 year old and 6 year old (and soon to be 1 year old!) People in stores look at me like I'm crazy when I'm out with all of them!!! You have no idea how many comments I get about "Are they all yours?" "Wow, you have your hands full"... yes, people, TRUST me, I know I have my hands full. :) Anyways, good birthdays - very low key this year. We just did birthday parties at home, with our family of 6 and cakes. Each kid got 3-4 presents and it was positively WONDERFUL. I know probably next year we'll let them have a party with their friends, etc...but the low key was SOOO nice.

We tried a new church again this week, this one was called "The River". Meets in an elementary school and is only about 150 people - tops. It seems very young and not 'together'... yet, Philip seems to see something about it. I'm still pretty on the fence.. We'll try it again next week though. We had a long talk about making sure we're looking for the right thing - as far as are we looking for somewhere to come and 'be served' or are we looking for somewhere we can serve. This church has definite opportunities to serve. To be honest, he feels pulled more there than I do, but I think I have my guard up a lot still, because I'm so tired of searching. I want somewhere I can just walk in and feel 'at home'...and maybe that's wrong - I'm looking for Faith Chapel, and it's not here. :( BUT, Philip pointed out that this reminds him in some ways of a young Faith Chapel, and reminded me that I didn't feel "at home" the first year or so we went to Faith Chapel either - that it has to become your home. SO, the saga continues.... but we might have potential here. AND the best part, if we do attend here, it is exactly 5 minutes from our house! That would be so convenient!! :)

On a good note, I really feel like Canton is starting to become 'home'. I feel so comfortable in our house, I have a couple of friends,... the transition is starting to ease and despite missing home terribly, God is giving me such a peace that this is home now. Thanks.

Birthday Week!!

Well, this week we have TWO birthdays! Christian turns 6 on Thursday and Ethan turns 3 on Sunday. Because I can laugh at myself, the picture above is me 3 or 4 days before I had Ethan. Can we say SWOLLEN and huge? :)

Trinity's birthday is coming up on the 30th, and I can't believe she will be ONE! I sadly realized that this will be the last "1st birthday" we have in our house!! Sad and happy.. I am content with my four crazy kids, but I do love that baby stage too!!

I have tried to remember this week that I am 'building cathedrals' and it seems to help my patience somedays as a mommy. We aren't doing anything big for the kids' birthdays this year, besides family stuff. I am taking cupcakes into Christian's class on Thursday, and I'm excited! It's my first time to do that 'cool mom' stuff in a real school... I can't believe my baby is turning 6!

I am also happy to report that I seem to have made two good friends! Shannon has 4 kids also, (but 3 girls and 1 boy!) and her son and Christian play baseball together. And Kristin lives down the street and has a boy and a girl. It's nice to have friends here finally to meet for playdates, talk to on the phone and text... Thank you God for answering that prayer!

Follow up to "The Saga"... The Invisible Mom

I got this forward in an email today... Thanks God, for the reminder that it's all good...



The Invisible Mother......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously, not.
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book.

And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte . I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.' At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right...
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.


Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does. We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

The saga of a Stay at Home Mom

I need a 'catharsis' today, so blogging is it. I feel like, since we moved, and I have less friends here to hang with, get out less, etc... I feel like my role as 'the mom' has been bigger. Mostly because I get less breaks (I think). For some reason lately, I comprehend more completely, what I am sacrificing in order to stay home with my kids while they're little. And please know that it IS a sacrifice, but that despite what I'm writing - I do NOT regret it for a moment. I cannot Fathom having to drop all the 3 little ones off at daycare each morning and missing those first smiles, having breakfast with them, and all our daytime stuff. BUT, there are days when I realize that I have given up an entire segment of my life and of who I was, in order to be there for them. There are days when I'm jealous that Philip has colleagues at work, gets esteem because of where his career has gone, is held in high regard for it - not to mention he gets to go to the bathroom by himself! :) Please remember, I said "there are days". It's not everyday and I don't want to change it, but there are days when I miss that. I miss people asking you 'what do you do' and being impressed by the answer. When you say, "I stay at home with my kids", I think half of them instantly assume I have no college education and couldn't get a job if I wanted to... My education is so important to me. I plan on going back to school and back to work... and for right now, being a mom is the BEST job I could have because I truly believe it's what is best for my kids. BUT, that doesn't mean that there aren't days when I miss 'the other side'. I know the grass is always greener, blah blah... I've been on both sides (I worked full time until Michael was born, I remember dropping off Christian at daycare every morning and racing to pick him up after work), I KNOW that I have the best side of it right now. Sometimes I just miss 'me'. The driven, hard working, accomplishing 'me', the 'me' that had an identity besides a mom. Sometimes I feel like I am ultimately responsible for the wellbeing of four children and that feels HUGE. Suppose they turn out to be homicidal maniacs? I will be to blame! Granted, I don't really think that will happen, but it just feels 'heavy' some days to be responsible 24/7 for them and for trying to constantly do the best for them.

After having said all that, I know that this time is fleeting. I know I've been given a gift that our family can afford for me to stay with our kids, that I see Trinity first thing every morning and last thing every night... I'm rambling today, just needed to get some thoughts out. I love my kids, I treasure them, but man, sometimes they sure do make me tired!

Picture from a friend

Just wanted to add this picture! We had several friends and family visit Alexandra's grave yesterday for us.... Heather took this picture and sent it :).

The continuing "Search for a Church" and Alexandra

Well, today Alexandra would have turned 7. I can't fathom the idea of having a 7 year old daughter... having a daughter still feels relatively new to me, despite Trinity being almost a year old. I've had 6 years of having sons, but only a year of having a daughter... so the thought of brushing and fixing hair, painting nails, dolls... just can't quite get my brain around it still. As always, I also have this hard time getting my brain around the concept that if she were alive - I picture in my mind having all 5 of my children together. When in reality, if she had lived, chances are very likely, we wouldn't have Christian. I got pregnant with him 4 months after she died, and I doubt I would have purposely got pregnant that soon afterwards (though I know God controls all that), but chances are good that none of our children would have all come at the times they did... I guess one of those defining moments that TRULY changed our lives and shaped it forever. I mean think about it, if we had her, we probably wouldn't have Christian and then the ages would've been different to have Michael, so he probably wouldn't be who he is... and so on and so forth.

Anyways, I am still comforted having read "The Shack" and the peace it left me with. I still have the image in my head of God holding Alexandra, with her little blonde hair - caring for her, calling her beautiful.. an image and memory that is implanted in me and is as clear to me as the night God showed it to me. I look forward to the day when I see her in Heaven, when we embrace and she calls me Mommy... I look forward to Heaven and when I no longer have to miss her and ponder the impossible questions of destiny above. Some days, days like today, I yearn for it... to be done with the trials of this world, and spend an eternity in joy. BUT, I must remember to make the most of the time we have here.

Which brings me to today. We tried a new church today (that's coming), but as we were getting ready this morning, my son brought cheers of joy to my heart. Our neighbor boy, who is Christian's age, was standing outside our front window as we ate breakfast and got ready to leave. (mind you, at 8:15 am!)... He's the youngest of four kids, and quite honestly, from our observances'... he seems to get lost in the shuffle at times. Sweet kid, though he tends to ring my doorbell too early on Saturdays to see if my boys can come play. Anyways, I look over to see him looking through the open window today. He asks Christian "Can you come play?"
Christian: No, we're going to church today. It's Sunday
Jason: Hmm.. Why are you always going to church? (YA!! He realizes that we go often!)
Christian: Cause we want to learn more about Jesus!

Can a mother be more proud? :)

So, on to church. A friend reminded me while I was in KS, that Charles Stanley, as well as his son, Andy Stanley have churches in the Atlanta area. Having listened to Charles Stanley on the radio for years, we were thrilled. Googled the churches, to find that their churches seem a far driving distance for every week, but we found out that Andy Stanley has 'satellite' churches for his church... one of which is 10 minutes from our house! yA! So we find out times, locations, etc and off we go today for the 9:15 service, that meets in an elementary school.
Nice people.. get the kids checked into their stuff.. Go to the auditorium.. And we had another "rock band" worship (as we call them in our house now). Actually, before that, they are playing REM's "Bloody Sunday" as people are sitting down. Interesting, we think... REM in church. Not that I have anything against REM.. but for church? Two "Rock Band" songs later, the offering song is John Mayer's "Waiting for the world to change". Again, I like John Mayer, heck I like that song, but for me, it doesn't lead to me to God or worship... and then the lights go out, the two screens come up and we watch a video of Andy Stanley's sermon. GREAT sermon... LOVED his teaching, but not sure how I feel about being preached to through a video. :( He closed with prayer (on the video) and everyone left. That was it, there is no pastor, no pastoral staff.. nothing. To us, TOTAL lack of accountability (feel free to send me your input if you disagree), but we were totally disappointed. I want MORE! I want more worship, more accountability... MORE!! It's so frustrating. We questioned ourselves.. is it us? Are we missing something.. This search for a church STINKS!!! :(

Pick me ups!

Well, I've had some encouragement over the last day. When I was in KS last weekend, my friend Dave, sent me home with a book called "The Shack". Well, last night about 9, I started it... thinking I'd read for a few minutes before bed. Well, about midnight, I finally finished it and went to bed - I COULD NOT put it down!! Dave told me that it was one of the most amazing books ever, and I couldn't agree more wholeheartedly!!! It stretches the boundaries of my knowledge of who God is.. and I love it! It soooo takes Him out of the box, which I think He hates being put in anyways, and showed me so much of His heart. Warning, it does have a sad side to it (although you see the redemption of it), and it ministered so much to where I am at right now. It reminded me of the side of God I saw just after Alexandra's death, the Abba, the healer, the deep love He is. If you haven't read it, RUUUSH out to get it and read it.

I also did some 'coupon/bargain' therapy this morning. Laugh if you want, but it certainly does give you a 'high' to spend $27 on groceries and have your receipt show that you saved $115 with sales and coupons!!! That makes about $35 I spent at Publix this week, with a savings of over $250. My storage shelves are rapidly filling up again! I am delighted to say that I have landed smack dab in the middle of "Double coupon" heaven here! :) Publix and Kroger both double coupons, and Publix also has B1G1 sales every week... Just for example, from this week alone, I have 30+ boxes of fruit snacks, 20 bags of Chex Mix, 20 boxes of cake mix, 10 boxes of oatmeal, 10 boxes of cereal, 2 free gallons of milk, and 10 boxes of toaster strudels. That's not even all of it... but that kind of excitement does help me out of my funk! Apparently there ARE perks to Georgia! ;)

Ups and Downs

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I had such a great weekend in Kansas, came home just on a high from getting to surprise and see everyone. Then I feel like I've been crashing ever since. :( I'm usually so stable, and I think that's what I hate - I don't like being up and down. I think it's like the freshness of moving and feeling homesick, all over again. Seeing everyone made me so excited, and then I came back to realize that I miss them all so much! I feel just so 'heavy' with burdens... our house in KS is still not leased (lease to purchase).. they have someone approved, but they don't have the money to put down yet, so we wait more. (Yes, the verse, "Take Heart and be strong and wait on the Lord" is running through my head) I feel like I "know" all the verses and such, but I'm just full of emotion today, not knowledge. As a female, somedays those are harder to seperate than others. We were doing so good paying off debt before we moved, and as soon as our house leases, we will be back on that track,... but in the meantime, I feel so stuck. Also, Alexandra's birthday is next week, and it's started getting cooler (especially at night) here, and I can start to 'smell' fall. Not sure if you know what I mean by "smelling" fall.. but ever since she was born, the smell of fall just overwhelms me with emotion.

I remember the days just following her birth and funeral... it was fall in KS, and we had the windows open all the time and there was just a 'smell' about the leaves changing, the cool air coming in.. as I sit here at my computer, I can close my eyes and still smell it. It was a time of such mourning, of digging my heels in to get through it, of learning so much of God and his steadfastness.... so every year for 7 years, fall just is Alexandra, it's memories, it's remembering. Maybe that's why I'm so emotional.. I'm remembering and though it's good, it's hard. I've been really good the last few years about allowing myself to have a period of well, mourning, each fall. A day or so (or however long it takes) of just 'being' in my sadness and my memories. I guess because I'm in a different place this year, because I can't carve out some time alone and drive to her grave, I can't seem to get past it as easily. Being able to visit her grave each year was so cathartic and I think I went there, cried and just let it all go... and I can't do that here. I intended to go there this weekend while in KS, and I just didn't . I was on such a high, and wasn't ready to 'be there'.... and now I regret it so much. Anyways, I'm rambling. I KNOW beyond a doubt how truly blessed I am. I know God has done nothing short of miracles in our life recently, but sometimes "knowing" things are different than "feeling" them. He made us emotional creatures, and for today, I "feel" things too strongly to be swayed by knowing them... But I don't want anyone to think that I don't realize those truths and see them everyday in my four children. I hug and kiss them each day, and thank God that, just as Job, He has blessed me doubly after all my sorrow.

Good Visit!

Well, for those that didn't see me, I made a surprise visit to Kansas this weekend, and OH how nice it was~! Only a couple of people knew I was coming (yep, surprise!), so that I could surprise my friend Heather and my sister in law, Tabby.. They both had their babies within the last couple of weeks, so I had to go see 'my babies". :) My new nephew, Shane, and my new-practically neice, :) Violet. OHHH, how cute! That's Violet on the left and Shane on the right. I was able to surprise both mommies, and Tabby even cried! :) It was worth all the scheming.

And I might say, both of those babies are JUST gorgeous. Just wish I got to see them more often! Trinity went with me (also her first flights!) and we just had so much fun seeing everyone. I've learned, since moving, the power of 'being known' as I call it. The feeling of happiness of getting a warm hug or smile from someone who knows and loves you... It's hard being new all the time, and having to introduce yourself, tell someone about yourself.. and all the things that people here don't know. I lived in KS since I was 18 years old, and my friends there not only knew my history, but they were PART of it. We share memories of being freshmen in college together, or of sharing our pregnancies together,... they've cried with me, I've cried with them... all that 'knowing each other'.. and it's really hard to not have anyone here who I really share that with. Always being the stranger in the crowd.. so to go home for a weekend, and see all my 'history people' - to be greeted with hugs and love, felt SOOOOO good. Like warm fuzzies all weekend. It was also sooooo good to be in our old church, and to walk in to somewhere that felt like home. To again, be familiar, to be known (and to be loved!).. I just can't describe how wonderful and invigorating it was. I think I feel like I can keep going for a while now.

When I got back last night, I told Philip that I had the oddest feeling now though.. that when I'm here, I call Kansas home. But when I was there, I found myself saying, "Well, at home we...". Both KS and GA are home now, and that feels so weird to have your heart in two places. My mother in law said that, as missionaries, that's the way they've felt almost their whole lives! Crazy! Either way, it was just wonderful to be there, and yet, it's good to be back here with my kids and Philip and our 'new life'.

One last note, Alexandra's birthday is next week on the 28th. If anyone in KS wants to pay her a visit around that time and leave a balloon or a flower.. I'm still struggling with not being there then. Jonathan and Tabetha have said they will for us, for which I am so appreciative.. Not a day goes by that I don't still think of her.

Modern Day Miracles!

I just heard from Philip, and Christian is out of surgery. Here's the amazing part. They went in to remove the mass, and IT WASN'T THERE ! The doctor came out to talk to Philip in recovery, and she was just dumbfounded. :) She can't figure out, for the life of her, how it was there on Tuesday and now it's gone. She apparently just kept saying, "It's a mass, they can't just go away on their own!" She couldn't figure it out, but we can !!! They still cauterized one side of his nose, which is something they could have done in the office.. so she kept apologizing, because she couldn't explain it!

God is good!

Showing us 'one more step' ...

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm27: 13-14

God showed me this verse back in 2001, right after Alexandra was born and we were trying to get pregnant again. I was so impatient to have another baby in my arms and felt so abused by life... and so I wrote in a notecard and taped it to our mirror. Well, I finally took that taped card down when we moved to Georgia. So after 7 years of reading it everyday, that verse is permanently ingrained in the minds of Philip and I.

As you know, even though we have a great peace about moving here, I am still often mystified as to 'why' God chose to uproot us from our family and friends. I trust Him, but I am such an analytical person that I always want to know why before I do something... and generally, in my experience, God works in precisely the opposite fashion. He says "Go" and doesn't tell you why until you're already there. This has been such a hard thing to learn. So, fast forward to yesterday.... actually, I have to give some background. Philip works for a contracting firm called CAS. (He works AT Cox Communications, but as a consultant for now). The consulting firm and Cox both know that within a year or so, he will convert to an employee.. but for a LOOONNG list of reasons, things are fine as is. Anyways, he has put into a Director position, and is hiring a team of employees to form his "quality assurance" team. The consulting firm, CAS, is basically made up of a bunch of guys who travel during the week (a few live here like Philip), and travel home on the weekends.... well, Philip has turned into a beacon of light amongst some guys who like to party it up like they're in college. Actually worse than college in many ways. :) SOOO.. fast forward to this week. Philip hires two employees last week.. a man and a woman.

To make a lloong story short, he talked with both of them yesterday at various times. They both knew that he would be out today and tomorrow for Christian's surgery. He talked with the woman, who said "Just want you to know that I'll be praying for your son". Philip says, "Thank you.. I believe in the power of prayer, so I appreciate that.". Well... 30 minutes later, the story comes out that this woman is a wonderful christian lady! Despite having many other job offers, God told her that THIS was the job for her and she actually waited a month for Philip to be able to offer the job to her, as well as taking a salary that wasn't the highest on her list in job offers.. Because GOD told her to. AMAZING. Philip also discovered that the man he hired is ALSO a wonderful man of God... So, amongst being in a 'den of lions' (as we call it), Philip is now surrounded by two employees who are Jesus loving, praying, people of God. If I believed in coincidence, well... But I DON'T! I believe our steps are orchestrated by God, and that He led us here. Maybe He led us to these two people, maybe He led them to us (as you might remember, we feel like we're in the middle of a desert, as far as Christians go)... but however He worked it, HE DEFINTELY worked it! :) I don't know if you've ever read the "Left Behind" series.. but I feel like it's kind of like in those books, where God led the people that needed each other the most to encounters, at just the precise moment they each needed it most. God is so good. I still understand all the why's and how's and such, but man, it's amazing to see him reveal it to us!

Christian should be going into surgery soon... Philip is with him and I'm home with the other kids... Will update!

Christian will be having surgery

Hey all, just wanted to update. We went to the Pediatric ENT this morning, in order to find out why Christian is having so many horrible nosebleeds. (Not sure if I mentioned, but between Sat and Sunday (36 hours) he had 6. That's the most we've had, but still, kind of alarming for a 5 year old. ANyways, she discovered today that he has a "pyogenic granuloma papilloma". Best I can find on the internet is that it's a overgrowth of tissue that forms. I'm still researching, but anyways, the only way to fix it is surgically. So he will go in on Thursday and have outpatient surgery for it, as well as cauterizing some blood vessels on the right side of his nose. Apparently it's growing rapidly and is the reason his nosebleeds have been so severe and frequent. They also mentioned that they have to send it off to pathology, which sent off red alarms, but the doctor assured me that these aren't malignant. I'm not sure why they start, but she seemed to think it was rather uncommon in kids so young. I'm anxious for his nosebleeds to stop, but poor little fellow - I don't think it will be too fun for him. If anyone knows anything about these, please let me know! Everything I find on the internet is a bunch of medical jumbo that I'm trying to figure out.
ADDED: I found this definition somewhere on the internet "Pyogenic granuloma is a benign, rapidly growing hemorrhagic lesion of unknown origin. ' Helpful, huh?
ADDED: I hope she doesn't mind, but my friend Amy (from college), who is now a doctor (you go girl!) sent me this information. " Pyogenic granulomas- Usually these start at the sight of an injury- so anything- a scratch in his nose, a spontaneous nose bleed that scabs - anyway, for whatever reason instead of healing right, the body starts over growing- and it's usally a bright red/bloody type of tissue. They won't heal unless you surgically remove (or if it's on the hand or soemthing a simple office procedure). I think , because of where it's at, he has to have surgery- but the hope is to get rid of it!!! I think the term papilloma that your doc used was because it looked finger like (papilloma is the term for skin tags- things that kind of hang down) I'm betting it's more of that shape so she tagged it on the end of the pyogenic granuloma term. " Thanks Amy.. that is way more clear than anything I've found!!!

Please keep him in your prayers this week. I know it's just outpatient surgery, but as a mom, you know you tend to worry anytime your child goes under... so add a prayer for mom and dad.
Times like this is when I go "OH why am I so far away from all our friends and family!" Because I am not sure of being able to find someone to stay with the other kids, I imagine one of us will have to stay with them and one of us go with Christian. It makes me again thankful for the support system we had in Kansas and DESPERATELY miss it. I had a list of a dozen people there I could have called, that would have stayed with the other kids, so we could both go... I guess again, God is showing us to rely on him and on each other.. but dang if it's not a hard lesson to learn.

Please also continue to pray about our house! I heard from the company that's managing it, and there is a family that is approved and that wants it, but is working on getting their $$ together.. so pray that happens quickly! We really want to take the whole family home in October, but we have alot of hesitance about the financial part of that if we're still paying two mortgages.. Maybe I should start playing the lottery. :):):)

My baby's getting so big!

OH, my baby is getting so big.. just wanted to share. She's learning to walk and push toys around... I just realized that she'll be ONE next month! Where does it go?

The Ups and the Downs

Well, we're making it through the long weekend with just me and the kids. It's been so hard being here, getting pictures via email and phone... but actually missing in person being able to see Shane. Stinks if you ask me... but I suppose if the road to obedience was easy, we'd follow it more often.

Anyways, I've a big "Up" in that, (as cheesy as this sounds), I think I found a new friend! Her son and Christian play on the same baseball team, and we have just hit it off! She also has four kids (although flip of us - 3 girls, 1 boy) and even though we've only been together 3x, it feels as though I've known her forever in some ways. I told Philip, after our second conversation at practice, that if you can talk about boob jobs, periods, birth control and more on only your 2nd conversation, I think you know you've found someone like minded!!!! :) We met on Friday morning and went shopping for stuff to make hairbows and such. I'm going to teach her how to make bows, pacifier clips and other stuff for all those girls in her house! I quickly discovered they are christians, and that they even visited some of the same churches we have! ANNNDD, to top it off, her husband's contracting company is the one that is lined up to do our new roof!! I actually met her Father in Law (didn't know it was him at the time), because her husband and FIL own the company.... Long story, but needless to say it's a small world and when God wants you to meet someone, He WILL make it happen! It has been such a pleasant surprise to meet her and find someone with whom I seem to get along so well... Each week here seems to be getting a little better!

AND, for our "downs".. please pray for Christian. If you don't know, he has struggled with nosebleeds for about 2+ years.. Well, since moving, they are much worse again. I took him to the dr on Thursday and we have an appointment with a pediatric ENT on Tuesday.. but he's had FIVE nosebleeds in the last 24 hours. I called the oncall doc.. who said I should still just wait til Tuesday, but it's just non-stop! It freaks him out quite often to see that much blood, and to be honest, I am SOOO tired of cleaning up blood (I think I found that I just might have a stomach for Labor and Delivery after all this!), and he's so tired of it too. I'm going to call tomorrow to see if we can move up the appointment to tomorrow, cause it's just out of control for a 5 year old. We've been up almost every night lately with a bloody nose, in the car, in the grocery store - everywhere! We *think* that they might need to cauterize something, which I haven't even told him because he would FREAK out.. but we just can't continue like this and we have tried EVERYTHING we've been told, to no avail. SO please pray for wisdom and for him!

Baby Shane!!

I have a new nephew! :) Shane Titus was born today at 7 lbs 6 oz, 19 inches and they said he is BLONDE! The concensus is that he looks a lot like Michael when he was born! :) Considering how dark headed and olive Dominic is, it seems crazy that he would be blonde like our kids! THe pic on the top is Shane and the pic on the bottom is Michael.. HMM.

I am SOOOO sad that I'm here and not there.. Philip is in KS and sending me pics like crazy.. But just not the same! I miss home!!

Congrats Aunt Tabby and Uncle Jonathan, I can't wait to hold him!! :)

The more I seek Him...the more I find Him

So I was sitting on my prayer couch today, reading the Bible. Let me just admit here, that since we've been here - I have spent a LOT of time praying (which is good), but not a lot of time reading scripture and my Bible. I tend to do that - I get focused on one aspect and drop another... So, since its a quiet, overcast day here, and the boys are watching a new movie, Trinity is sleeping - I felt God calling to me to spend some time learning ABOUT Him, not talking TO Him. (I am speaking to myself here!) Anyways, I found a flyer in my Bible that I have no idea where it came from.... (Hmm... Erin, think maybe it was GOD!?) :) It was on Key Apostolic Intercessory Prayer ... again, no idea where I got it from.
It sent me to Ephesians 1: 17 - 20. "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of Wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at His right hand in the heavenly realms." (Italix added by me). As I read this over and over today, it struck me - the SAME power that rose Jesus from the dead is the SAME power working in me. I don't know about you, but I've never come close to having enough power to raise someone from the dead (Physicians come close maybe)... Trust me, if I could have made someone raise from the dead, I would have done it when Alexandra died. I begged and pleaded with God to make her just suddenly gasp for air and do a miracle..... and as you know, nothing in my person made that happen. Yet, the power to do that is running through me.

It doesn't seem 'graspable' to me to find or have or use that power... yet God has clearly said He wants us to find Him and know Him well enough that we realize He is working through us with that same power. I don't know where I'm going with this, only that it seemed to knock me on my butt today. I know I desire the wisdom and the revelation that Paul is speaking about, as well as the knowledge of how GREAT, FANTASTIC and amazing the power of God is. I've been a christian for 14 years now, and I feel like I'm only scratching the surface of what I should know by this point.

Again, maybe God has drawn us here to Georgia, to draw us 'away' for a while, so that we can find a new side of him. I don't have friends calling for playdates everyday, I don't have our weekly women's bible study... so instead I'm having to rely on just God. Maybe that's the way He wanted it.... I have so much yet to learn, so far to go, but I'm so glad He hasn't given up on me yet. When God sent us here, He sent me this other verse, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7 ... If you know me, you know I don't sit still too often... but maybe that's why He sent us here!

Picture catch up....

Trinity spent the baseball game chewing on everything!!

THought I'd add some of our pictures from the last week.. That was Trinity in her stroller at Christian's game... The boys eating at our bar, on their new barstools.. (they think that's the coolest EVER), me and my two big boys :), and Christian 'ready for action'. :)

Well, Philip's mom was here for 3 days and just left this morning... and man does the house feel empty! :) We've had Nancy, my dad and Karen all here in succession over the last month and it's always so empty when the company leaves! I might just add that it was SO nice to spend some time with her and I am one of those women who are blessed with a MIL that I adore! Many women have a love/hate relationship with their mother in laws... but it's all love here! She's like having my own mom here and I'm so sad to see her go. Why can't everyone else just move to Atlanta too? :)

Well, Michael started preschool today. We found a great place called "Child's Play" and I think he is going to do great! He will go Tues, Thurs and Fridays.. and all day yesterday, he was upset because he was "ready to go!" I think he's done a lot of maturing in the last year - though he has a ways to go, but I'm really hoping this will get him ready for kindergarten next year. This school has an amazing curriculum! They teach them sight words and phonics, letter identification, ... a whole slew of stuff I can't even list out - but to sum it up, she said most of their 4 to 5 year olds are reading by the time they go to kindergarten! That would be amazing for Michael, who I'm not even sure can say his whole ABC's yet! :) It's a bit of a financial stretch for us, but I feel like for him, it's so important...

Please continue to pray that our house in KS gets leased soon! We need to stop paying 2 mortgages! :) We had a great service at church Sunday, and the pastor talked about God's light, and how He generally only shows us step "A", even though we want him to show us "A through Z" all at once !AMEN brother! :) I'm a natural born planner and I would love to still know why we're here and why all these steps fell into place to bring us here... but God wants to show me just the NEXT step, so that I can learn to trust Him more and more... Well, I'm working on it, but it sure isn't in my nature. This whole move though, is definitely an exercise in learning to trust and it reaffirmed to us that we're where we should be.. just don't know WHY yet! :)

FRIENDS!! :)

I just wanted to say that I think God is answering my prayers for a friend/friends. Yesterday, one of the neighbor gals (who we see at the bus stop every afternoon) invited me out to have dinner with her sometime soon, as well as just an open invitation to say hi, get coffee, talk, etc. She seems very genuine and nice and I am really excited to go out with just a gal pal soon!!!

Then I met another Mom at Christian's baseball game today. She also has four kids, her youngest is 8 mos and oldest is 8... opposites though - she has 3 girls and 1 boy! She loved Trinity's headband with the flower on it and her pacifier clip and we are going to get together this week, so I can show her how to do them. Again, she seemed so nice and we really hit it off today at baseball. Her oldest daughter is also named Trinity!! It's really nice to feel like maybe I'm starting to make some connections and have a couple of people I know well enough to at least call for a playdate, and such. Just after the longest night comes the brightest morning!

I also wanted to say that I've been researching nursing schools, and along with Laura's help (who is an RN), I'm figuring out what I would have to do. In order to become an RN, I actually just need to get an Associate's Degree. Well, the first year almost of that is core curriculum, which I already have!!! I think I could actually finish in a year or so!! I still have some research to do, but I'm really excited about this! It's so amazing to me how God just opens doors and shows you new things all the time! And man, is it good to know that He's in control - not me!

Fall, memories, leaving a child behind...

I've been hearing from friends in Kansas and Missouri that fall is on the way. :) It was still almost 90 degrees here yesterday in Georgia, and I find myself so homesick for home and for fall. I was flooded by memories yesterday of sleeping with our windows open in the fall, and waking up burrowed under the covers because it's 65 degrees in our bedroom... and the smell of fall. The leaves turning and the crispness in the air.... I can actually smell it right now, as though I were there. As much as I hated our house in KS and was ready to get out of it (by the way, please pray it gets rented), today my heart longs for it. You see, I had all my children in that house. 4 of the 5 were born in September and October, and the smell of fall reminds me of those times. I remember bringing them all home from the hospital to that house and placing them in the cradle beside my bed.. swaddling them a little tighter at night and putting little caps on their head, because of the cool, fall weather.

Fall has been a hard season to transition to for me, for the past 6 years. Alexandra was born and died on September 28 and her funeral was October 1st... and every year, as fall comes and those familiar smells swept into my bedroom, memories of her flooded me. Memories of feeling her kick and watching my belly move (and with all my babies) and of coming home from that hospital - empty handed. The days when Philip and I clung to each other for comfort, for hope.. and the days when we found hope... when we had Christian, Michael, Ethan and Trinity. I tend to have visited Alexandra more in the fall, because I just felt so close to her then.

As we prepared to move, I struggled with guilt about leaving her behind. I know I was only leaving her grave behind... but in a sense, I felt like I was leaving her behind. A mother should never have to do that. I know it's just her grave and her body, that her soul is resting in heaven with Jesus - better off than any of us here are.... but, I think you know what I mean. I struggle, because, this year on her birthday, I can't visit her grave. We can't take the kids there and take balloons. The last few years, we've gotten a birthday balloon for her and then let all the kids get one... sentimental and silly, but tradition. I won't be there this year. I can't go visit her grave, and talk to her, and tell her about her siblings... and it hurts me. I miss fall (which I know WILL come to Georgia, sooner or later).... I miss 'home' (and I know that this will slowly become our 'home' too). Transition is hard, harder some days than others. I'm so sentimental in the fall, and today especially. I will miss Old Settlers this weekend, miss walking around the rides and booths - the ones Philip and I went to when we were just dating... holding hands, young love... The booths I walked by at 8 and 9 months pregnant with my kids... sweaty, swollen and hot, but filled with excitement for the nearness of birth...

I am very content in our new home. I am so content with my house-full of children, with my handsome boys and our beautiful daughter... and I am sad to have left one of my children behind.

I am just thankful, that as a Christian, I have hope. I have hope that I will see her again, and that in the meantime, Jesus is holding her for me (as he told me one night, 7 years ago)... thank good ness for hope. Thank goodness for the changing of the seasons - for the reminder of where we are, where we've been, and hope for where we're going.

I must be crazy... for many reasons!

First off, I must be changing or crazy or desperate for adult conversation. :) Philip plays tennis on Wednesday nights, so I'm home with the kids those days from "dawn to dusk", as I call it. :) Tonight, my doorbell rang and lo and behold, there were three men at my door. Not scary men, but very nice men! They were from First Baptist Church, where we visited on Sunday. They were making a follow up call to just say hi, welcome to the church, etc... Now, it's been a VERRRY long time since I've had anyone from a church show up on my doorstep on a call like that. Years and years, I'd venture to say. And up until now, I would have considered those type of people oh..intrusive and a bother... How did I feel tonight? Positively thrilled! :) Thrilled to feel welcomed by other Christians, thrilled to have someone show up on my doorstep - JUST TO TALK TO ME... Yep, I think I'm certifiable. :) They invited us to their Sunday school class/care group for young couples, and I am so starved for friendships, that by golly, you don't have to invite me twice! :) Seriously, if you knew me when I lived in Kansas, you know what I'm saying... and that it's very 'not me'. But again, apparently God moved us to help teach me some lessons and stretch me (I seem to be seeing a theme here, people!)

I am probably also crazy, because as you saw in my last post, I am seriously contemplating my future. Why? I have no idea.. I think I have too much time on my hands right now. :) But, after a whopping two days of debating, I really do think I want to become a nurse!!!! Again, if you know me at all, I don't tend to sit on decisions and mull over them for very long. For better or worse, I tend to be a 'fly by the seat of my pants' kinda gal... Now, granted, I can't really rush into this one. I have four small children, three of whom aren't yet in school... and I am apparently lacking some required education!!! :) Yep, I'm thinking of going back to school! I've started checking around some schools/nursing schools in the area and their programs. Granted, I have a bachelor's already, which covers most of the prereqs, but I'm still missing chemistry and labs, as well as Anatomy and Physiology and labs... It will be interesting to see how/when this all works out. One of the schools I looked at had an accelerated program, which is 16 months long, but it's pretty much all day, 4 to 5 days a week for that time period.... So, I don't know. I would need to start slow, I'm not a rigid time schedule, so I"m hoping to find something I can do more, a little at a time - as well as maybe some on-line, etc.. I would love to be a Labor & Delivery nurse.. I just think it would be the most amazing thing to help deliver babies everyday. I mean, seriously - what is more awesome than seeing new lives born? I know there is obviously a little more 'blood and guts' to it all than that (I've given birth 5 times, I know a thing or two about the blood and guts!)... but I still just think it would be an amazing job to help be a part of that..... SO, please say a prayer as I try to figure out how to do something amazing, as well as the amazing job of raising our kids. There has to be a balance, and they have to be my priority for now, so lots of decisions to be made in the future.

Question of the Day: What would you do....?

As Christian has started kindergarten and I now have one of the kids in school all day, I've started to find myself pondering a new question. What would you do (career wise) if you were able to start over? No salary requirements, just picking a new job or career?

You see, within the next 3-5 years, I will have a really unique chance to start over in a job/career. We have moved away from Sprint, where I spent 5 years of my career in telecommunications. Not sure that's what I intended to do with my life, but it was a very good job and paid quite well.... I have a bachelors in pscyhology and an MBA.... and as my kids get into school full time, I plan to go back to work at least part-time. I would love to still be home about the time they are from school, etc.... but what in the world would I do with myself all day, once all of them are in school? So I've started to think ahead to "What do I want to do when I grow up?" I can't go back to the job I worked before (again, not sure I'd want to) and probably wouldn't even choose to go back to IT. I've owned my own business, which is now sold.... so what do I want to do with myself? Very difficult question! Salary really isn't the deciding factor, as with a lot of people - because we've already been living on Philip's salary for 4 years. So, I feel like in some ways, I'm fresh out of college again - what do I want to do with myself?

I'd love to go be a Labor & Delivery nurse... except, I don't want to go back to school to get an R.N. when I already have two degrees and enough college loans to last me for 20 years... Hmm... I really want to teach at the college level someday.. so I might explore some community colleges to start with, but I would probably need to go back and get my PhD...

Anyways, lots to think about? Got any suggestions? What would you do?

Georgia has some perks!

Well, you can see from the pictures that we rented a boat on Saturday for half a day at Lake Allatoona. It took us exactly 15 MINUTES to get from our house to the boat dock... I think I just found a HUGE perk to living where we do! We had SOOO much fun yesterday on the boat. We swam and fished and drove around... just relaxed and enjoyed having Grandpa here. Trinity was an angel and slept on the floor of the boat for an hour even. We caught a few little fish (which the boys had fun 'petting') and it was just all around fun. After living somewhere that you had to drive 2+ hours to camp and boat, etc.. it's amazing that this is literally minutes from our door! Obviously, we can't afford to rent a boat on a regular basis, but it sure will be fun for special occasions! It was probably the most fun day we've had since we moved, and I almost felt like it was 'home' in some ways.... We're getting there, a step at a time.

I think it helps that Grandpa is here this weekend too! It's feels much more like home having my dad here... so please add that to your prayer list. He can't move without a job, so we need a job for him ASAP! We have a full, finished basement - which is basically an apartment and it's just waiting for him! I think the Chinese have something right in that concept where their grandparents/parents live with them.

We also had a fantastic Sunday. We visited First Baptist Church of Woodstock, and although we've never been Baptist, it was a great service. For us, it's VERY large, ...I'd say thousands of people... so that would be a big change, but other than just getting used to the size, we felt very at home and really enjoyed the service. We missed part of the worship service getting the kids checked into childrens' church... (which they loved), but really we enjoyed it - and that feels REALLY good to say! I know we'll visit again next week and maybe even more.. It would really be different to attend somewhere that big, and we've always been rather "anti-megachurch", but you never know where God wants you.. so we'll see! But it was really nice to be somewhere that we did at least feel 'at home'. :)

Really, it's been a great weekend - and it's not over!

A blessing!!!

Okay, make that many blessings... the little girl in this picture is one! :) This was from today... sorry for the fuzziness, but she just doesn't hold still very long anymore! Trinity has learned to wave on command and clap, as well as calling the dog. HA! I am not kidding. She yells "Bahhh" (for Bear) and then makes a kissing noise. Quite hysterical. I'll have to try to get it in video. I don't know many 9.999 month olds who call their dog!

But, God was granting me some favor today and reminded me that we're not alone! :) After the below mentioned phone call from Christian's teacher (which by the way, he never had a good reason for having said his Dad died.... We chose to 'let that one go' and maybe when he's 18, he can explain it!), I was sending her a follow up email today. I had also gone through some of his school papers today and one of them was an "about me" from their teachers. His teacher, Mrs. Massengale, had put in her "favorite music" category that she liked contemporary Christian music. WHAT? :) So I grabbed on and held on for dear life. In my email to her, I mentioned that I really enjoyed getting to know more about her and that I thought, based on her comment about music, that we share similar beliefs. Lo and behold, there ARE some other Christian's in Georgia! (YES, I am using sarcasm! HA!) AND, (Hold on to your drawers), she invited us to try their church! Yippee! :)
I want to also mention that there are 7 or 9 (can't remember) kindergarten classes in Christian's school. Yep, you heard me right. And, of all those classes and teachers, Christian was placed in HER class. Thank you, God. :) I'm so very delighted to find out he has a wonderful teacher... and to have been invited to someone's church! I believe we will be going there this Sunday, so cross your fingers! On a less sarcastic note, I really was encouraged to have found someone (especially someone who has influence on my child and whom he sees 5 days a week) who is verbal about their faith and has invited us to their church!