Happy Birthday Trinity Zion!!!!!

My baby is ONE today!! My baby girl, for whom I prayed for 5 years for - is turning one!!! I still distinctly remember the day, in my prayer time, when God told me, "You will have another baby. A daughter. Her name will be Trinity Zion, for she will be a new beginning and a healing." I wasn't pregnant yet, and in fact, we weren't both on board to even have another baby yet... Now, I'm not one to doubt God or his voice, but considering what He was saying was exactly what I'd been hoping for ever since the day Alexandra died (another daughter), it was almost one of those 'too good to be true'. A few weeks later, Philip said "Let's have another baby"... and exactly four weeks later, I was pregnant. :) I held those words so close to my heart, hoping that they truly were God and that she was a girl. At 20 weeks, Lynn (the same sonogram technician who was there and told us that Alexandra had died) said, "I can tell you 100% what you're having. That, my friend, is a little girl!" I still am tearing up just thinking about it. Philip and I cried all day, I think!! I love my boys more than words will ever express, and yet, there was something so healing for me about having another daughter. She truly has been lived up to her name "Zion" ... she has healed a part of my heart that was, until now, untouched. After a scheduled induction, in which she never progressed past a 4, 28 hours of labor, then a c-section - she is worth all the wait!

She is now walking and trying to talk, and has been the sweetest, most amazing little girl I could have ever asked for! I pray that with a name as powerful as her, that God continues to use her in amazing ways! Happy Birthday, baby~!

Slowly but surely...

Slowly but surely, this feels like home. :) I actually have TWO whole friends here now. Friends that I talk to on a regular basis and who I can call if I need to talk or vice versa... what a good feeling. I still miss my friends back in KS so much that if I think about it much, my heart hurts.

YET, there is an overwhelming peace about being where God wants us to be. The sermon at church yesterday was about Jonah and running from God... and it was a great feeling to know that we are NOT running from Him, but have done (to the best we can) what we feel like He wants us to do. And, it's a really good feeling to not be church-hunting anymore. As we sat at our prayer couch Saturday night, thanking God for sending someone to lease our house and for all He has done for us, I again reiterated that this church, in so many ways, is the most unlikely of places for us. :) Yet, we started giving our tithe to this church this week (instead of sending it back to KS) and man - it feels very good to be more and more settled.

We did a little more decorating this weekend, while my dad was here. OUr house really feels like our home now. :) I feel like in many ways, that my heart is in two places... but that God is slowly but surely filling my heart here. I firmly believe He has us here for a reason, although those reasons are still revealing themselves day by day. We had many conversations with each other and others, before we moved, about how much easier it would have been to pack up our home and our kids to move away if God had called us to the ministry, or to missions or something that the 'churched' define as 'ministry'. Yet, He didn't. He simply called us to be obedient and to follow the urgings in our hearts to go to a city where we knew almost no one and had to rely soley on HIM. Maybe that alone was His simple calling... I don't know, but I'm thankful to be able to tell my kids as they get older.. "Why did we move to Georgia?" "Because God told us to". :)

On a last note, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having a prayer couch. In 8 years of marriage, we've never had something like this before, and in many ways, it's changing our prayer time together.
Please continue to pray for my dad through this week, and for the hiring company. I cannot even express how much we hope for him to get this job!!

HALLELUJAH - P.U.S.H.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!

Words cannot express my job today! P.U.S.H. WORKED! The company working with our house called today and OUR HOUSE IN KANSAS is under lease/purchase contract!!! Pray Until Something Happens - and IT DID!!!!!!! We have been paying 2 mortgages for 3 months now, and thank GOD, that time is ending!!!!!!! You can't imagine the amazing burden that has been lifted!

I also wanted to update.. My dad had a job interview here on Friday! He already had a trip planned here, and on Wednesday, a company called and asked if he could be at an interview on Friday. :) Well, he sure could! The interview went well! He has a follow up phone interview on Monday or Tuesday, and then they will make the decision by the end of next week (they also have 2 more interviews). Not only would it mean he would move here, but it's a substantial pay increase for him!!!! So please continue to P.U.S.H. on that!!!! :):)

Did I mention HALLELUJAH!?

P.U.S.H.

There is a little church down the road that I pass about 5 x a week, if not more. I pass in the way to Christian's games, as well as Walmart and various other destinations. Honestly, I'd be surprised if they have 50 people at their church.. but they have a little announcement kiosk by the road. For the past 2 weeks, they've had the following message on it.
"P.U.S.H Pray Until Something Happens". I LOVE IT ! It is my new personal motto. :) I wrote it on a sticky note and stuck it in the kitchen and am going to put one on the bathroom mirror too!! I have a couple of things that I'm "Pushing" for for, such as my dad getting a job here and moving (asap too!) and our house in KS to lease/sell. For anyone who doesn't know, we are on month 3 of paying 2 mortgages and although I am eternally grateful that God has provided for us to be able to pay them both, we can't continue to do it forever. It's making it impossible to pay off debt. So please remember those if you are thinking of us.

Trinity has been getting four teeth this week. FUN! She is getting up in the night, early in the morning, refusing to nap and just hanging on me non-stop. Joyous! BUT it is fun to see her get those top teeth and look more like a big girl. :) She also learned to say "Cheez" and scrunch her nose when she thinks you're taking her picture...and to take my phone, put it to her ear and pretend to talk. Not even one and she wants her own cell phone! LOL. But we crossed a major milestone this week - we are DONE With formula - FOREVER!! TO some, that's a nice thing, but considering I've been buying formula off and on for SIX years - HELLO - it's amazing! :)
Again, God has given me such a peace that our little family (okay, not so little) is complete. There are times I see those tiny babies or those pregnant mama's and for about 20 seconds, I feel that 'tug' .. and then my kids start screaming and fighting in the background and that vanishes as quickly as it came. :) It's an odd feeling to know that part of our lives is behind us and done (the being pregnant and having babies part), considering I'm only 31... yet, I don't really want to do it all again! I still have 7 non-budging pounds of baby weight to lose (suggestions anyone?), we're now done with formula, I only have one in diapers .. I don't want to start over, I just enjoy being pregnant and enjoy having a newborn. But, as with everything else, there is a time and place. Our time and place is over for that, and it's time to 'raise' them. Next year I'll have TWO kids in school full time.. I'm anxious to go back to school and go back to a career.. but it's just weird to absorb we're never having anymore babies. Anyways, I'm rambling ... I seem to have a lot of time on my hands this week, combined with lack of daytime-adult-conversation - so cyberworld gets to be my audience. ;) I guess if you don't like it, don't read it!

PS.. Here's a picture of my crazy girl from this week!

End to the church hunt!

Well, God has both a mission AND a sense of humor!!! As everyone knows, it's been a long couple of months of 'church hunting'. To go from a church home that literally is HOME and family, and to try to find that again is nothing short of miraculous....and well, probably wrong. God didn't lead us 14 hours away to put us in the same spot.

We've visited several churches, both big and small. I think we were looking for a fit, for family, for a place we felt like 'home'. Last week and today, we visited a church called "The River". It's a church plant, located about 5 minutes from our house, and is about 120 people. It's a young church, rough around the edges... Worship isn't that smooth yet, there are so many things that are still being figured out. Last week, we came home and Philip said that something 'clicked' for him... that he felt like maybe there was a spot for us and work to be done. Quite honestly, I came home thinking "well, where do we try next"? We even had another church we planned on visiting today, but decided last night that it was too far and for convenience sake, we would go to The River again.

Did I mention that God has a sense of humor? :) Today's message was about Jonah and Ninevah... how God sent him to Ninevah and it wasn't what Jonah had envisioned for his life. Well, call me Jonah. God gently - okay, NOT so gently, reminded me that He sent us here for reasons. Not just for Philip's job, not just for the friends we're making, but for a plethora of reasons. I believe the River might be part of that. There is a time to 'be served' and a time to 'serve'. I believe, after being so loved, taught, trained, blessed.. etc, that God has moved us to another place and another part of the journey, and that its time to put some of that to use. He has built in us a strong foundation of faith and family, and there is a need for us at the River. I guess I feel like we spent 10 years in Kansas being 'raised' like we raise our kids. Now we are (so to speak) like the 18 year old, being booted out and told that 'it's time to practice what you were taught'.....

Anyways, long story short,.. I think we found our church! It's not at all what we were expecting, nor looking for, and yet, I believe God has a place for us there. I am dreading it and excited, all at the same time... if that makes sense. Excited to see what He has for us and how He continues to stretch us.. as well as dreading the 'stretching pains' that will inevitably come along. We are where we are.. right where He put us. Thank you for the prayers of leading, as I believe He is showing us a step at a time. Funny how Gods plan is almost NEVER what we foresee, and yet turns out to be just perfect.

Now if we can just get someone to rent our house in Kansas! :)

Patience

For the past several days, I feel so often like I fail more as a parent than I succeed. If you don't know what I mean by that, then you probably shouldn't read the rest of this. :(

Let me begin by saying that three of my four kids are pretty easy kids. We have a few bumps in the road, but for the most part, they don't stretch me as a parent. Then, I have one of my children, who shall remain nameless in blogging world, ... who, well, stretches me. I can't decide if he is more like me than the others or the complete opposite, but no matter which one - I have days where I feel like I just can't WIN! Not that parenting is a win/lose situation, but you know what I mean. No matter what I do, this child is never happy, never content, never satisfied. If I give him chocolate milk, he wanted juice. If I give him juice, he wanted milk. Simple choices like "What do you want for breakfast" turn into a 20 minute argument because I don't fix it right, etc. I love this child more than words can express...but I just don't know how to get through to him!!!!!

I started thinking today how much God must identify. No matter what He gives me, I always find something else to want or complain about..... Gee, I feel like the pot calling the kettle black.
I'm glad that God continues to be patient with me, humble me, teach me and show me grace. Therefore I will continue to pray that I can do the same for my child and my children. God don't give up on me yet and I won't give up on them either!

Whew!!

Well, 2 birthdays in one week will wear a girl out! :) I officially have a 3 year old, 4 year old and 6 year old (and soon to be 1 year old!) People in stores look at me like I'm crazy when I'm out with all of them!!! You have no idea how many comments I get about "Are they all yours?" "Wow, you have your hands full"... yes, people, TRUST me, I know I have my hands full. :) Anyways, good birthdays - very low key this year. We just did birthday parties at home, with our family of 6 and cakes. Each kid got 3-4 presents and it was positively WONDERFUL. I know probably next year we'll let them have a party with their friends, etc...but the low key was SOOO nice.

We tried a new church again this week, this one was called "The River". Meets in an elementary school and is only about 150 people - tops. It seems very young and not 'together'... yet, Philip seems to see something about it. I'm still pretty on the fence.. We'll try it again next week though. We had a long talk about making sure we're looking for the right thing - as far as are we looking for somewhere to come and 'be served' or are we looking for somewhere we can serve. This church has definite opportunities to serve. To be honest, he feels pulled more there than I do, but I think I have my guard up a lot still, because I'm so tired of searching. I want somewhere I can just walk in and feel 'at home'...and maybe that's wrong - I'm looking for Faith Chapel, and it's not here. :( BUT, Philip pointed out that this reminds him in some ways of a young Faith Chapel, and reminded me that I didn't feel "at home" the first year or so we went to Faith Chapel either - that it has to become your home. SO, the saga continues.... but we might have potential here. AND the best part, if we do attend here, it is exactly 5 minutes from our house! That would be so convenient!! :)

On a good note, I really feel like Canton is starting to become 'home'. I feel so comfortable in our house, I have a couple of friends,... the transition is starting to ease and despite missing home terribly, God is giving me such a peace that this is home now. Thanks.

Birthday Week!!

Well, this week we have TWO birthdays! Christian turns 6 on Thursday and Ethan turns 3 on Sunday. Because I can laugh at myself, the picture above is me 3 or 4 days before I had Ethan. Can we say SWOLLEN and huge? :)

Trinity's birthday is coming up on the 30th, and I can't believe she will be ONE! I sadly realized that this will be the last "1st birthday" we have in our house!! Sad and happy.. I am content with my four crazy kids, but I do love that baby stage too!!

I have tried to remember this week that I am 'building cathedrals' and it seems to help my patience somedays as a mommy. We aren't doing anything big for the kids' birthdays this year, besides family stuff. I am taking cupcakes into Christian's class on Thursday, and I'm excited! It's my first time to do that 'cool mom' stuff in a real school... I can't believe my baby is turning 6!

I am also happy to report that I seem to have made two good friends! Shannon has 4 kids also, (but 3 girls and 1 boy!) and her son and Christian play baseball together. And Kristin lives down the street and has a boy and a girl. It's nice to have friends here finally to meet for playdates, talk to on the phone and text... Thank you God for answering that prayer!

Follow up to "The Saga"... The Invisible Mom

I got this forward in an email today... Thanks God, for the reminder that it's all good...



The Invisible Mother......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously, not.
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book.

And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte . I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.' At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right...
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.


Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does. We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

The saga of a Stay at Home Mom

I need a 'catharsis' today, so blogging is it. I feel like, since we moved, and I have less friends here to hang with, get out less, etc... I feel like my role as 'the mom' has been bigger. Mostly because I get less breaks (I think). For some reason lately, I comprehend more completely, what I am sacrificing in order to stay home with my kids while they're little. And please know that it IS a sacrifice, but that despite what I'm writing - I do NOT regret it for a moment. I cannot Fathom having to drop all the 3 little ones off at daycare each morning and missing those first smiles, having breakfast with them, and all our daytime stuff. BUT, there are days when I realize that I have given up an entire segment of my life and of who I was, in order to be there for them. There are days when I'm jealous that Philip has colleagues at work, gets esteem because of where his career has gone, is held in high regard for it - not to mention he gets to go to the bathroom by himself! :) Please remember, I said "there are days". It's not everyday and I don't want to change it, but there are days when I miss that. I miss people asking you 'what do you do' and being impressed by the answer. When you say, "I stay at home with my kids", I think half of them instantly assume I have no college education and couldn't get a job if I wanted to... My education is so important to me. I plan on going back to school and back to work... and for right now, being a mom is the BEST job I could have because I truly believe it's what is best for my kids. BUT, that doesn't mean that there aren't days when I miss 'the other side'. I know the grass is always greener, blah blah... I've been on both sides (I worked full time until Michael was born, I remember dropping off Christian at daycare every morning and racing to pick him up after work), I KNOW that I have the best side of it right now. Sometimes I just miss 'me'. The driven, hard working, accomplishing 'me', the 'me' that had an identity besides a mom. Sometimes I feel like I am ultimately responsible for the wellbeing of four children and that feels HUGE. Suppose they turn out to be homicidal maniacs? I will be to blame! Granted, I don't really think that will happen, but it just feels 'heavy' some days to be responsible 24/7 for them and for trying to constantly do the best for them.

After having said all that, I know that this time is fleeting. I know I've been given a gift that our family can afford for me to stay with our kids, that I see Trinity first thing every morning and last thing every night... I'm rambling today, just needed to get some thoughts out. I love my kids, I treasure them, but man, sometimes they sure do make me tired!