The continuing "Search for a Church" and Alexandra

Well, today Alexandra would have turned 7. I can't fathom the idea of having a 7 year old daughter... having a daughter still feels relatively new to me, despite Trinity being almost a year old. I've had 6 years of having sons, but only a year of having a daughter... so the thought of brushing and fixing hair, painting nails, dolls... just can't quite get my brain around it still. As always, I also have this hard time getting my brain around the concept that if she were alive - I picture in my mind having all 5 of my children together. When in reality, if she had lived, chances are very likely, we wouldn't have Christian. I got pregnant with him 4 months after she died, and I doubt I would have purposely got pregnant that soon afterwards (though I know God controls all that), but chances are good that none of our children would have all come at the times they did... I guess one of those defining moments that TRULY changed our lives and shaped it forever. I mean think about it, if we had her, we probably wouldn't have Christian and then the ages would've been different to have Michael, so he probably wouldn't be who he is... and so on and so forth.

Anyways, I am still comforted having read "The Shack" and the peace it left me with. I still have the image in my head of God holding Alexandra, with her little blonde hair - caring for her, calling her beautiful.. an image and memory that is implanted in me and is as clear to me as the night God showed it to me. I look forward to the day when I see her in Heaven, when we embrace and she calls me Mommy... I look forward to Heaven and when I no longer have to miss her and ponder the impossible questions of destiny above. Some days, days like today, I yearn for it... to be done with the trials of this world, and spend an eternity in joy. BUT, I must remember to make the most of the time we have here.

Which brings me to today. We tried a new church today (that's coming), but as we were getting ready this morning, my son brought cheers of joy to my heart. Our neighbor boy, who is Christian's age, was standing outside our front window as we ate breakfast and got ready to leave. (mind you, at 8:15 am!)... He's the youngest of four kids, and quite honestly, from our observances'... he seems to get lost in the shuffle at times. Sweet kid, though he tends to ring my doorbell too early on Saturdays to see if my boys can come play. Anyways, I look over to see him looking through the open window today. He asks Christian "Can you come play?"
Christian: No, we're going to church today. It's Sunday
Jason: Hmm.. Why are you always going to church? (YA!! He realizes that we go often!)
Christian: Cause we want to learn more about Jesus!

Can a mother be more proud? :)

So, on to church. A friend reminded me while I was in KS, that Charles Stanley, as well as his son, Andy Stanley have churches in the Atlanta area. Having listened to Charles Stanley on the radio for years, we were thrilled. Googled the churches, to find that their churches seem a far driving distance for every week, but we found out that Andy Stanley has 'satellite' churches for his church... one of which is 10 minutes from our house! yA! So we find out times, locations, etc and off we go today for the 9:15 service, that meets in an elementary school.
Nice people.. get the kids checked into their stuff.. Go to the auditorium.. And we had another "rock band" worship (as we call them in our house now). Actually, before that, they are playing REM's "Bloody Sunday" as people are sitting down. Interesting, we think... REM in church. Not that I have anything against REM.. but for church? Two "Rock Band" songs later, the offering song is John Mayer's "Waiting for the world to change". Again, I like John Mayer, heck I like that song, but for me, it doesn't lead to me to God or worship... and then the lights go out, the two screens come up and we watch a video of Andy Stanley's sermon. GREAT sermon... LOVED his teaching, but not sure how I feel about being preached to through a video. :( He closed with prayer (on the video) and everyone left. That was it, there is no pastor, no pastoral staff.. nothing. To us, TOTAL lack of accountability (feel free to send me your input if you disagree), but we were totally disappointed. I want MORE! I want more worship, more accountability... MORE!! It's so frustrating. We questioned ourselves.. is it us? Are we missing something.. This search for a church STINKS!!! :(