The Flu Bug

Well, I haven't been good at updating lately... mostly because our family has had a run in with the flu bug. :( The flu, in a family of four kids, is SO not fun. Especially when one of them can't seem to throw up anywhere but in his bed or on the carpet. All I can say is that I'm glad we have a steam cleaner!!!

Today was our first healthy day and it was sooo nice to get outside for a few hours, in the 'real' world! Who knew grocery shopping could be so fun, because it doesn't involve cleaning up after someone!!! Seriously though... this is one of the hardest parts of 'mommyhood'... the constant well, being a mom! Cleaning up after them, wiping their noses and bottoms and necks... making sure their homework is done and their lunch is made and the sheets on the bed are clean, and their clothes are clean... the menial little tasks that you rarely getted thanks for, but are part of the everyday necessities. And even cleaning up puke. I have quite the gag reflex.... and well, I still managed to do it, despite spending the whole time just trying not to throw up myself.

Anyways, just an update on us.. we're just enjoying being well!

Just sharing a fun pic!

Just sharing a couple of fun pics from our recent visit with Sandy and Alayna - we had so much fun!!!

S

Old picture....

I am involved in a 8 week bible study about writing your own "Spiritual Autobiography". Well, it involves going back through your life and identifying your 'God moments' and the ways He has worked in and through your life. Well, if you know me, then you know one of the most significant events in our lives was the loss of our daughter, Alexandra.

In an attempt to really dig into some of those moments, I found a disc (yes, a floppy disc), which required finding a floppy drive - that had the story I had written after she died. It's the story of her time with us and what I learned about God during that time. Anyways, as I recovered the information on the disc, I found a set of pictures that I had thought long lost. We have 2 copies of these pictures actually printed, but I thought we lost the rest of them. And so.. I am posting one of them. For anyone who hasn't seen her... she had a tiny button nose, and light blonde hair... and will be forever remembered and missed.

Going through a spiritual autobiography is well... HARD. But, such a blessing. It's so hard to read those memories, so fresh and painful, and so sad to see her picture - and remember holding her in my arms for those few precious moments.. BUT - it's also so rewarding. Rewarding to see the ways God has used me these last 7 years. Matured me, and shown me his grace and mercy.... and to see these 4 beautiful children He has given us since. Amazing. It's truly amazing.

The little things. :)

I am having a crappy day today. Seriously... it's too long to explain why, but between issues with Philip's job and old college, and our retarded health insurance company and their stinkin $1000 deductible (can you tell I'm not bitter!), I'm kind of crabby today. I'm human, people - we all have these days. I could sit here and tell you that I instantly 'let go' of it all and went about my day humming "Kumbya" and all that - but well, if you know me, then you know that would be a BIG fat lie. I do get there eventually, minus the humming part, but it takes me a little longer.

SO... anyways, cruddy day, cruddy attitude.. trying to be a good mom still. And then I checked my email. I got the following email from Christian's kindergarten teacher. :)

"Just wanted you to know that when we had our recent fire drill, your sweet son told Mrs. Payne not to worry, he was taking care of a particular student who usually needs someone to walk with him. He’s such a big boy!!!"

Now, my son didn't save the world today or bring me home a thousand dollars.. but he showed himself to be caring and thoughtful and kind. And that, my friends, stopped my day from being so cruddy. No matter what happens with jobs or insurance, it thrills my heart to know that I am (at least for today) raising kind-hearted and sweet kids. I am not sure (and she can tell me if I'm wrong), but I think the child in question, is a little boy in C's class that has down syndrome. I've seen him around the few times I've been in his class. I almost cried, because, my son - without prompting - went out of his way to take care of someone else. That's the kind of son I want to raise.. I want him to be Jesus to others around him.

Now, I just hope I can be that as much as he is. :)

Absences

Well, I said I was going to stay diligent about blogging.. and yet, I find myself with big absences again. Partially that's 'busyness' and partially choice. I've realized something about myself, ... that when I am walking 'thru' something in our lives, I tend to withdraw. I want to chew on it, work it out in my head and my heart - and THEN I'll tell you about it. Hence, the absence. We've been dealing with situations with Philip's job and more than that, the spiritual warfare about it - and so I've been trying to wade thru it all... I think we are in that period that comes just before the sunrise, so we're seeing the end in sights, but still can't quite touch it. He's been verbally offered a new job within Cox, but we're waiting on some transcripts from Baker University, etc.... In reality, the situation is so much more complex, but I still don't feel like sharing most of the details in cyberworld. :)

On another note, I have been attending a bible study here with other women called, "Writing your Spiritual Autobiography." When I joined the study, I didn't even really care what we were studying, I just wanted to be part of one. I wanted to get to know other women on a deeper level and start feeling involved. Well, be careful what you sign up for! :) It's been soooo good to get to know these women and learn from them, but man ... writing your spiritual autobiography sure does involve a lot of introspection! It's really good, and really hard. It basically requires you to visit your life and trace the handprints of God in that journey. It's eye opening and yet warming... Hard to visit those times when you realize that YOU were the one that walked away... and yet so great to see how God can turn our decisions into good, if we allow Him.
Partially though, the hardest part for me, is opening myself up to 'being known' by a new group of women. Again, part of this journey that God put us on when we moved. Forcing me to re-open myself, my wounds, my hopes... to new people. Something that, I have to admit, I'm not very good at. Yet, to be women of God, and to allow our hurts to help others, we have to admit those hurts to them. I'm glad to know God is using me and changing me, but it's not always an easy process!!!