The saga of a Stay at Home Mom

I need a 'catharsis' today, so blogging is it. I feel like, since we moved, and I have less friends here to hang with, get out less, etc... I feel like my role as 'the mom' has been bigger. Mostly because I get less breaks (I think). For some reason lately, I comprehend more completely, what I am sacrificing in order to stay home with my kids while they're little. And please know that it IS a sacrifice, but that despite what I'm writing - I do NOT regret it for a moment. I cannot Fathom having to drop all the 3 little ones off at daycare each morning and missing those first smiles, having breakfast with them, and all our daytime stuff. BUT, there are days when I realize that I have given up an entire segment of my life and of who I was, in order to be there for them. There are days when I'm jealous that Philip has colleagues at work, gets esteem because of where his career has gone, is held in high regard for it - not to mention he gets to go to the bathroom by himself! :) Please remember, I said "there are days". It's not everyday and I don't want to change it, but there are days when I miss that. I miss people asking you 'what do you do' and being impressed by the answer. When you say, "I stay at home with my kids", I think half of them instantly assume I have no college education and couldn't get a job if I wanted to... My education is so important to me. I plan on going back to school and back to work... and for right now, being a mom is the BEST job I could have because I truly believe it's what is best for my kids. BUT, that doesn't mean that there aren't days when I miss 'the other side'. I know the grass is always greener, blah blah... I've been on both sides (I worked full time until Michael was born, I remember dropping off Christian at daycare every morning and racing to pick him up after work), I KNOW that I have the best side of it right now. Sometimes I just miss 'me'. The driven, hard working, accomplishing 'me', the 'me' that had an identity besides a mom. Sometimes I feel like I am ultimately responsible for the wellbeing of four children and that feels HUGE. Suppose they turn out to be homicidal maniacs? I will be to blame! Granted, I don't really think that will happen, but it just feels 'heavy' some days to be responsible 24/7 for them and for trying to constantly do the best for them.

After having said all that, I know that this time is fleeting. I know I've been given a gift that our family can afford for me to stay with our kids, that I see Trinity first thing every morning and last thing every night... I'm rambling today, just needed to get some thoughts out. I love my kids, I treasure them, but man, sometimes they sure do make me tired!