Still hanging on here!! ;)

Well, it's come to my attention that I haven't been blogging anymore... True! I love facebook waaay too much and it's so much easier to post there... but for those who we love and aren't on facebook, here's a couple new pictures of the kids!

Still here, hanging on ....

Okay, for the two of you that read this.... I'm still here. Slacking on blogging, but here. It seems that my life has started to fill up again, and makes it harder and harder to find time for me. In some ways, I remember fondly the days when we first moved here.. I knew hardly anyone, didn't know my way around - and had even more time to myself than I would desire at times, but yet, felt like I had more time!

Our days here are filling up with baseball for Michael and Christian. Michael seems to have a natural talent that we didn't know about until recently! Apparently all the coaches on the 4 year old teams have tagged him as 'the player' to watch..... Soooo good for my 'middle-child, always-outshined-by-my-older-brother-child'... I love watching him come into his own and flourish! He has such a sweet spirit about him and I enjoy him watching him show that to the world.

I am trying to slow down, and enjoy each minute of my precious babies... because I realize that they are growing up so fast. Trying to take an extra five minutes in the morning to snuggle, give an extra kiss and hug... and stop and listen to what they're trying to tell me. I pray that God continually reminds me of that, as that is what I hope to get from Him, as my heavenly father.

So,... off to have that quiet time now!

The Flu Bug

Well, I haven't been good at updating lately... mostly because our family has had a run in with the flu bug. :( The flu, in a family of four kids, is SO not fun. Especially when one of them can't seem to throw up anywhere but in his bed or on the carpet. All I can say is that I'm glad we have a steam cleaner!!!

Today was our first healthy day and it was sooo nice to get outside for a few hours, in the 'real' world! Who knew grocery shopping could be so fun, because it doesn't involve cleaning up after someone!!! Seriously though... this is one of the hardest parts of 'mommyhood'... the constant well, being a mom! Cleaning up after them, wiping their noses and bottoms and necks... making sure their homework is done and their lunch is made and the sheets on the bed are clean, and their clothes are clean... the menial little tasks that you rarely getted thanks for, but are part of the everyday necessities. And even cleaning up puke. I have quite the gag reflex.... and well, I still managed to do it, despite spending the whole time just trying not to throw up myself.

Anyways, just an update on us.. we're just enjoying being well!

Just sharing a fun pic!

Just sharing a couple of fun pics from our recent visit with Sandy and Alayna - we had so much fun!!!

S

Old picture....

I am involved in a 8 week bible study about writing your own "Spiritual Autobiography". Well, it involves going back through your life and identifying your 'God moments' and the ways He has worked in and through your life. Well, if you know me, then you know one of the most significant events in our lives was the loss of our daughter, Alexandra.

In an attempt to really dig into some of those moments, I found a disc (yes, a floppy disc), which required finding a floppy drive - that had the story I had written after she died. It's the story of her time with us and what I learned about God during that time. Anyways, as I recovered the information on the disc, I found a set of pictures that I had thought long lost. We have 2 copies of these pictures actually printed, but I thought we lost the rest of them. And so.. I am posting one of them. For anyone who hasn't seen her... she had a tiny button nose, and light blonde hair... and will be forever remembered and missed.

Going through a spiritual autobiography is well... HARD. But, such a blessing. It's so hard to read those memories, so fresh and painful, and so sad to see her picture - and remember holding her in my arms for those few precious moments.. BUT - it's also so rewarding. Rewarding to see the ways God has used me these last 7 years. Matured me, and shown me his grace and mercy.... and to see these 4 beautiful children He has given us since. Amazing. It's truly amazing.

The little things. :)

I am having a crappy day today. Seriously... it's too long to explain why, but between issues with Philip's job and old college, and our retarded health insurance company and their stinkin $1000 deductible (can you tell I'm not bitter!), I'm kind of crabby today. I'm human, people - we all have these days. I could sit here and tell you that I instantly 'let go' of it all and went about my day humming "Kumbya" and all that - but well, if you know me, then you know that would be a BIG fat lie. I do get there eventually, minus the humming part, but it takes me a little longer.

SO... anyways, cruddy day, cruddy attitude.. trying to be a good mom still. And then I checked my email. I got the following email from Christian's kindergarten teacher. :)

"Just wanted you to know that when we had our recent fire drill, your sweet son told Mrs. Payne not to worry, he was taking care of a particular student who usually needs someone to walk with him. He’s such a big boy!!!"

Now, my son didn't save the world today or bring me home a thousand dollars.. but he showed himself to be caring and thoughtful and kind. And that, my friends, stopped my day from being so cruddy. No matter what happens with jobs or insurance, it thrills my heart to know that I am (at least for today) raising kind-hearted and sweet kids. I am not sure (and she can tell me if I'm wrong), but I think the child in question, is a little boy in C's class that has down syndrome. I've seen him around the few times I've been in his class. I almost cried, because, my son - without prompting - went out of his way to take care of someone else. That's the kind of son I want to raise.. I want him to be Jesus to others around him.

Now, I just hope I can be that as much as he is. :)

Absences

Well, I said I was going to stay diligent about blogging.. and yet, I find myself with big absences again. Partially that's 'busyness' and partially choice. I've realized something about myself, ... that when I am walking 'thru' something in our lives, I tend to withdraw. I want to chew on it, work it out in my head and my heart - and THEN I'll tell you about it. Hence, the absence. We've been dealing with situations with Philip's job and more than that, the spiritual warfare about it - and so I've been trying to wade thru it all... I think we are in that period that comes just before the sunrise, so we're seeing the end in sights, but still can't quite touch it. He's been verbally offered a new job within Cox, but we're waiting on some transcripts from Baker University, etc.... In reality, the situation is so much more complex, but I still don't feel like sharing most of the details in cyberworld. :)

On another note, I have been attending a bible study here with other women called, "Writing your Spiritual Autobiography." When I joined the study, I didn't even really care what we were studying, I just wanted to be part of one. I wanted to get to know other women on a deeper level and start feeling involved. Well, be careful what you sign up for! :) It's been soooo good to get to know these women and learn from them, but man ... writing your spiritual autobiography sure does involve a lot of introspection! It's really good, and really hard. It basically requires you to visit your life and trace the handprints of God in that journey. It's eye opening and yet warming... Hard to visit those times when you realize that YOU were the one that walked away... and yet so great to see how God can turn our decisions into good, if we allow Him.
Partially though, the hardest part for me, is opening myself up to 'being known' by a new group of women. Again, part of this journey that God put us on when we moved. Forcing me to re-open myself, my wounds, my hopes... to new people. Something that, I have to admit, I'm not very good at. Yet, to be women of God, and to allow our hurts to help others, we have to admit those hurts to them. I'm glad to know God is using me and changing me, but it's not always an easy process!!!

25 Things about me...

I did this on facebook, and thought I'd share.

25 Things about Me!

1. I am totally anal/OCD. I make every bed in our house - every day. Without fail. Don't know why, just have to do it...

2. I always wanted to have four girls when I was growing up. I have three boys... what does that tell you about plans? ;)

3. I have friends in my life that I met on the internet. Make fun of me if you must, but we've met up in real life and they're nice people. It's the 21st century!

4. I always wanted to be an actress growing up. Must be why I'm so dramatic

5. My hair gotten more wavy/curly with every child I've had. Weird.

6. In the summer, I love to turn on the AC in the car AND roll the windows down at the same time. Waste of A/C, I know.. but I still like it.

7. I love to rearrange our furniture. Like - totally love it. I don't actually think I'm a good decorator, but I think I just like change.

8. I hate winter and snow. It's fine to go to Colorado and go skiing.. but the rest of the year, I'm great with temps above 65. :) Georgia is suiting me just fine in this area.

9. I'm, by nature, quite distrustful of people. I think it's a weakness... take it or like it, it's just innately how I am.

10. I'm a 'spender' by nature. I'm bad about making impulsive buys. I am currently reforming this, but I think it's a demon I'll always have to fight.

11. I've gotten an epidural with all my kids. Gotta love modern medicine.

12. I collect miniature clocks. Have no idea why I started collecting them, but I LOVE them. Come to my house and you can see my collection.

13. Diamonds TOTALLY are a girls' best friend.. I certainly do love them.

14. I love having a collection of perfume. Something about owning several scents makes me feel rich...?? Weird, I know.

15. I totally love getting acrylic nails. I hate paying 15 bucks every two weeks to get them filled, hence why I don't do it very often.

16. I'm a good speller. I made it some high-up level in school at the spelling bee. Probably makes me a nerd, but oh well.

17. I also loving tanning. In the bed or in the sun.. I know it gives you wrinkles, I know it can cause cancer... still love falling asleep in the sun, and I just like me better with a tan.

18. I had almost a full ride scholarship to college if I would have stayed in Missouri. I turned it down to attend a private Christian college in KS. I met my friends and husband there... but looking back, (and paying off student loans) one has to wonder what I was thinking.

19. I'm not a good cook. I can make a good meal now and then, but really - I'm not. I just get lucky at times!

20. I love learning, love school. Again, probably makes me a nerd... I don't care anymore, - it's a freedom I think comes with your 30's.

21. I always wanted to be 5'8". Don't know why.. seemed just tall enough and not too tall. Instead I'm 5'2". My kids don't have much hope of being tall.22. I have always loved and still love making up baby names. One of the funnest part of having kids was getting to name them.

23. I love taking pictures.

24. I LOOOVVE going to the movies.LOVE it.. One of the things I miss most while having four kids...

25. I love Texas Hold "em poker. Wanna play?

Ups and Downs and Ups and Downs

Well, again today, I find myself both up and down. I used to be able to sit down and have one thought straight in my mind and elaborate on that one thought... but lately, I sit down and a whirlwind of thoughts just zoom at me. Some up, some down.

So, for some 'ups'.
*Michael says the other night, "Mom! Ethan almost learned it all!! He can burp, toot and whistle... Now he just has to learn to snap!".... as he runs away happily. Apparently, those are the important skills for being a 3 or 4 year old boy. :) You can imagine what my house is like on most days. :):):)
*Trinity is jabbering all the time now. I should try to capture it on video next week, but the problem is that she rarely speaks on command .. she just mimicks you all day long. Ie, you tell her she's poopy and she yells at you "POOPY!!!". :) She says bubba, hi, dad, mom, more, all done, bye, love you, please, thank you, Bear, Zeus and her favorite new word "NO!" :) That's just a short list, and I just love the phase we're at - where she just seems to absorb information like a sponge!!! We also have to keep all bathroom doors shut, as she has discovered the joys of unrolling toilet paper. Good thing I get all that TP for pretty much free!!!! She is officially a toddler now, and most days it makes me so happy to realize that we are on the road to having four 'big kids'.... formula done, bottles done, babyfood done, etc.. I still have a little sentimentality some days realizing my 'baby' is the last baby. I guess we always knew someone had to be the last one!

Some 'downs'
* Still working on my dad's job hunt. It's been 5 months now and I am more and more sad all the time that he's not here. God and I have many, many discussions about it. And to be brutally honest, I felt for a while He kept telling me "Your timing is not my timing." GRRR.. Not what I wanted to hear. BUT, I am happy to report I felt a distinct change in that this weekend. I feel like He says now, "The time is drawing near". I am so encouraged and excited about this. Now, I always have to keep in mind that God's sense of time is not always measured in days and hours and weeks.. but still I have to trust that this indeed God's voice, so please keep praying!
*Philip's truck seems to be ca-poot. I'm sure that's not a word in real life... but it is in my house. We are now faced with the dilemma of putting $1200 into a car worth about $2000.. or having to get him a new one. Now, having just finished reading Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover", having to take out a new car loan is NOT what he preaches... but sadly, we are only in month 1 (though we ARE on baby step #2) into our plan... and here we are. So, we are trying to figure out the wisest decision to make.
*Also relating to Dave Ramsey and his financial wisdom, we are faced with some decisions about life insurance and debt and other such decisions. Some are not cut and dry decisions, so it's tough making those. BUT, we are committed to getting debt free and living 'like no one else, so later we can live like no one else'... (If that phrase is unfamiliar, read good ole Dave)
*And last but not least, the issue that has been plaguing our family for several weeks now, but which I haven't felt like I wanted to divulge much. Philip's job is well, unsure. We are pretty sure he will have a job, but the job that we moved here for is no longer an option (barring a miracle). I don't want to get into how it all came about here on blogging world, but anyways... it's hard to think that the job we moved her for (the one we left our family, friends and home for) is gone. If' I'm honest, we moved here because God told us to... not for a specific job, but still. So now we are again in transition and waiting on God to 'make clear the path'. So please keep us in prayers!

Email Devotional

Man, I wish I could take credit for what I'm about to post, but I cannot!! I got it in my email devotional. Pretty much hit the nail on the head for me, .... thought it may be what someone else needed to hear too.

"Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as He did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father caries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." (Deuteronomy 1:29 - 31)

Sometimes our troubles seem unending. A week can feel like a year if there is intense pain or profound sorrow or inordinate fear. What if that struggle goes on for a year?

The Israelites experienced their share of trouble. They wandered in the desert for forty years; not two weeks, not six months, but forty years. During that time they faced hunger, thirst, discouragement, rebellion, sorrow, sickness, fear and death.

At the beginning of the book of Deuteronomy, it is recorded that, finally, the Israelites stood on the verge of entering the Promised Land. Before they entered, God had Moses give them a history lesson.He reviewed the laws God had given them and reminded them that, "During the forty years that I led you through the desert, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet." (Deuteronomy 29:5)

He pointed them to the truth of how they had survived their long existence in the desert -- God carried them.There is a lesson for us to learn in the story of the Israelites, whenever we are fearful of the future or weary from our trials.

We are not to look ahead and wonder how much we can endure. Instead we are to look back, remember what God has done in the past, and acknowledge how He has sustained us.Then, we look to God to carry us, one day at a time.

Oh God, I can see a path in the history of my life and know that You have carried me. Please continue to do so, because I can do nothing without You.

Trinity's crazy!

.......

I don't have a title for this... I feel like my brain is in a thousand places at once, and am having a hard time focusing on one idea! I am so 'up' in some ways.... I feel so blessed here. I am developing good friendships, happy with our church, get to start in a women's bible study this week, love putting my kids to bed at night and talking about their day, sitting at the dinner table and laughing with them all - things, in many ways, are SO good. Good, because I truly believe that we are in a place where God led us. Good, because despite a hard road to getting here, I am so content with my four kids on earth and how unique they each are. Good, because I have a husband who is my best friend and whom I couldn't get through a day without. Good, because it's an amazingly peaceful feeling to rest in God and his knowledge, his will, his care, his hand...

Philip and the kids and I went to dinner tonight (thanks to the gift card we had received for Christmas)... and it was so nice. Nice to just sit at the table with my husband and my kids, laughing, being silly, sharing a dessert... The kids are getting old enough to have conversation with us (mind you, crazy conversation). But it's just NICE. I'm so happy that we're all together, that everyone is healthy, that my children are growing up with two parents who love them. We are so truly blessed.

Having said all that, I want to share that our family is also going through an incredible test of faith. I don't really want to share the details on the world wide web, but needless to say, many of the things that we assumed were established and givens about our future here are, well, unsure. Again, not up for sharing it all via the web, but it is truly crazy and truly difficult. AND YET, as was reaffirmed to us in church this morning, what a wonderful peace to know that we are where God wants us. We all make mistakes, we all sin, we all fall short - but WOW, the knowledge that we are God's children and that no matter what, we are in relationship with him. We are sons and daughters, and no matter what mistakes we make, we will always be his sons and daughters if we have accepted his salvation. (This part is all taken from today's sermon)..... :) We can alter the fellowship we have with him by our actions, but none of those actions can affect the relationship, any more than we can stop being a son or daughter to one of our earthly parents. No matter our actions, we will always be related to them... and the same is true of our God. Once you become his son or daughter, nothing you do can affect that. WOW. How 'bout those cookies??? So anyways, despite the trials we are going through and how we may have gotten there, there is such a peace in resting in God.

Well, I feel like I just verbally "puked". HA! Not sure if you got anything out of all of that, but I think I certainly feel better!

Ready to goooo!

Last night Philip and I sat down with a list of bills, paper and a calculator! I did research all day on Dave Ramsey's steps, and we are all set to go! We actually already set aside our 1K emergency fund (out of money we got from his bonus. We were going to pay off a bill with it, but based on what Dave says, we're doing this). We have a list of the bills, amounts, and goals! I actually (being the Type A person I am) typed up 2009 Financial Goals List for us, complete with the month/date of when we plan to have that bill paid off and it's on my wall in front of my computer!! That way I can see it everyday and be reminded of our goals! I also (again, Type A person here!) made an excel spreadsheet for us so that we can track our goals and progress. I'm really excited to see our progress, so we can see how much debt we've paid off YTD. Seeing it on paper is SOOO good for my motivation level. I am SERIOUSLY excited about it! Mind you, none of this information is actually NEW information (except maybe the Emergency fund mindset). Sadly, Philip and I are just not good at doing what we know. BUT, I will have to say, we haven't ever actually come up with a 'plan' and goals and such. This is pretty new for us, and hopefully it will be life changing for us. We even left room for us to save up for family vacations, and other events!

The older boys went back to the respective schools today... and though I love them, THANK GOODNESS. There is something to be said for a schedule! I loved having everyone home for 2+ weeks, but after it's been raining for a week, I think we were all needing some mental stimulation! Ya for school! :)

New Years Resolutions

Okay, generally I'm not one to jump on the NY Resolutions-bandwagon... but I do have some things which are highly motivating me. Motivations, not resolutions. :)
1) I have gone back on Atkins. And to all you naysayers, who say that it's not necessary.. well, it's necessary for me. I gained over 5 lbs over the holidays.. and yes, that's not much, but it doesn't feel good when the jeans that were loose 2 weeks ago are now tight! I am still on my attempt to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. And its not really just about weight, it's about getting in shape and feeling good about who I am - even after having 5 children. So, I am ready to start doing wii fit and P90X. (If you don't know what p90X is, go to www.beachbody.com and check it out). My old college friend, Cara, sent me her day 1, day 45 and day 90 pics from doing P90X. I don't want to fork out the money for a gym membership, nor am I good lately and about wanting to put all the kids in the nursery there or take time away from Philip and the kids in the evening to go to a gym. SO, I have a treadmill in my basement, I have Wii Fit (which is seriously fun too) and P90X. Between those three, I should be able to have a variety of exercises at my hand and get my booty in shape (and yes, I meant that literallY0.

2) I am trying to get the book "Dave Ramsey's Total Money makeover". I am generally not one who likes to share or discuss our family's financial information... but I will just say in general that we have lots of student loans and more credit card debt than we should. We've learned some hard lessons in our marriage and have had more times than I like to admit that we were NOT good stewards of our money... and we are still paying for it. So I am getting on the Dave Ramsey wagon, and as the bill-payer in our family, we are GETTING ON TRACK. Got any tips, suggestions, encouragement? PLEASE share. ;)

Happy New Years all!