25 Things about me...

I did this on facebook, and thought I'd share.

25 Things about Me!

1. I am totally anal/OCD. I make every bed in our house - every day. Without fail. Don't know why, just have to do it...

2. I always wanted to have four girls when I was growing up. I have three boys... what does that tell you about plans? ;)

3. I have friends in my life that I met on the internet. Make fun of me if you must, but we've met up in real life and they're nice people. It's the 21st century!

4. I always wanted to be an actress growing up. Must be why I'm so dramatic

5. My hair gotten more wavy/curly with every child I've had. Weird.

6. In the summer, I love to turn on the AC in the car AND roll the windows down at the same time. Waste of A/C, I know.. but I still like it.

7. I love to rearrange our furniture. Like - totally love it. I don't actually think I'm a good decorator, but I think I just like change.

8. I hate winter and snow. It's fine to go to Colorado and go skiing.. but the rest of the year, I'm great with temps above 65. :) Georgia is suiting me just fine in this area.

9. I'm, by nature, quite distrustful of people. I think it's a weakness... take it or like it, it's just innately how I am.

10. I'm a 'spender' by nature. I'm bad about making impulsive buys. I am currently reforming this, but I think it's a demon I'll always have to fight.

11. I've gotten an epidural with all my kids. Gotta love modern medicine.

12. I collect miniature clocks. Have no idea why I started collecting them, but I LOVE them. Come to my house and you can see my collection.

13. Diamonds TOTALLY are a girls' best friend.. I certainly do love them.

14. I love having a collection of perfume. Something about owning several scents makes me feel rich...?? Weird, I know.

15. I totally love getting acrylic nails. I hate paying 15 bucks every two weeks to get them filled, hence why I don't do it very often.

16. I'm a good speller. I made it some high-up level in school at the spelling bee. Probably makes me a nerd, but oh well.

17. I also loving tanning. In the bed or in the sun.. I know it gives you wrinkles, I know it can cause cancer... still love falling asleep in the sun, and I just like me better with a tan.

18. I had almost a full ride scholarship to college if I would have stayed in Missouri. I turned it down to attend a private Christian college in KS. I met my friends and husband there... but looking back, (and paying off student loans) one has to wonder what I was thinking.

19. I'm not a good cook. I can make a good meal now and then, but really - I'm not. I just get lucky at times!

20. I love learning, love school. Again, probably makes me a nerd... I don't care anymore, - it's a freedom I think comes with your 30's.

21. I always wanted to be 5'8". Don't know why.. seemed just tall enough and not too tall. Instead I'm 5'2". My kids don't have much hope of being tall.22. I have always loved and still love making up baby names. One of the funnest part of having kids was getting to name them.

23. I love taking pictures.

24. I LOOOVVE going to the movies.LOVE it.. One of the things I miss most while having four kids...

25. I love Texas Hold "em poker. Wanna play?

Ups and Downs and Ups and Downs

Well, again today, I find myself both up and down. I used to be able to sit down and have one thought straight in my mind and elaborate on that one thought... but lately, I sit down and a whirlwind of thoughts just zoom at me. Some up, some down.

So, for some 'ups'.
*Michael says the other night, "Mom! Ethan almost learned it all!! He can burp, toot and whistle... Now he just has to learn to snap!".... as he runs away happily. Apparently, those are the important skills for being a 3 or 4 year old boy. :) You can imagine what my house is like on most days. :):):)
*Trinity is jabbering all the time now. I should try to capture it on video next week, but the problem is that she rarely speaks on command .. she just mimicks you all day long. Ie, you tell her she's poopy and she yells at you "POOPY!!!". :) She says bubba, hi, dad, mom, more, all done, bye, love you, please, thank you, Bear, Zeus and her favorite new word "NO!" :) That's just a short list, and I just love the phase we're at - where she just seems to absorb information like a sponge!!! We also have to keep all bathroom doors shut, as she has discovered the joys of unrolling toilet paper. Good thing I get all that TP for pretty much free!!!! She is officially a toddler now, and most days it makes me so happy to realize that we are on the road to having four 'big kids'.... formula done, bottles done, babyfood done, etc.. I still have a little sentimentality some days realizing my 'baby' is the last baby. I guess we always knew someone had to be the last one!

Some 'downs'
* Still working on my dad's job hunt. It's been 5 months now and I am more and more sad all the time that he's not here. God and I have many, many discussions about it. And to be brutally honest, I felt for a while He kept telling me "Your timing is not my timing." GRRR.. Not what I wanted to hear. BUT, I am happy to report I felt a distinct change in that this weekend. I feel like He says now, "The time is drawing near". I am so encouraged and excited about this. Now, I always have to keep in mind that God's sense of time is not always measured in days and hours and weeks.. but still I have to trust that this indeed God's voice, so please keep praying!
*Philip's truck seems to be ca-poot. I'm sure that's not a word in real life... but it is in my house. We are now faced with the dilemma of putting $1200 into a car worth about $2000.. or having to get him a new one. Now, having just finished reading Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover", having to take out a new car loan is NOT what he preaches... but sadly, we are only in month 1 (though we ARE on baby step #2) into our plan... and here we are. So, we are trying to figure out the wisest decision to make.
*Also relating to Dave Ramsey and his financial wisdom, we are faced with some decisions about life insurance and debt and other such decisions. Some are not cut and dry decisions, so it's tough making those. BUT, we are committed to getting debt free and living 'like no one else, so later we can live like no one else'... (If that phrase is unfamiliar, read good ole Dave)
*And last but not least, the issue that has been plaguing our family for several weeks now, but which I haven't felt like I wanted to divulge much. Philip's job is well, unsure. We are pretty sure he will have a job, but the job that we moved here for is no longer an option (barring a miracle). I don't want to get into how it all came about here on blogging world, but anyways... it's hard to think that the job we moved her for (the one we left our family, friends and home for) is gone. If' I'm honest, we moved here because God told us to... not for a specific job, but still. So now we are again in transition and waiting on God to 'make clear the path'. So please keep us in prayers!

Email Devotional

Man, I wish I could take credit for what I'm about to post, but I cannot!! I got it in my email devotional. Pretty much hit the nail on the head for me, .... thought it may be what someone else needed to hear too.

"Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as He did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father caries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." (Deuteronomy 1:29 - 31)

Sometimes our troubles seem unending. A week can feel like a year if there is intense pain or profound sorrow or inordinate fear. What if that struggle goes on for a year?

The Israelites experienced their share of trouble. They wandered in the desert for forty years; not two weeks, not six months, but forty years. During that time they faced hunger, thirst, discouragement, rebellion, sorrow, sickness, fear and death.

At the beginning of the book of Deuteronomy, it is recorded that, finally, the Israelites stood on the verge of entering the Promised Land. Before they entered, God had Moses give them a history lesson.He reviewed the laws God had given them and reminded them that, "During the forty years that I led you through the desert, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet." (Deuteronomy 29:5)

He pointed them to the truth of how they had survived their long existence in the desert -- God carried them.There is a lesson for us to learn in the story of the Israelites, whenever we are fearful of the future or weary from our trials.

We are not to look ahead and wonder how much we can endure. Instead we are to look back, remember what God has done in the past, and acknowledge how He has sustained us.Then, we look to God to carry us, one day at a time.

Oh God, I can see a path in the history of my life and know that You have carried me. Please continue to do so, because I can do nothing without You.

Trinity's crazy!

.......

I don't have a title for this... I feel like my brain is in a thousand places at once, and am having a hard time focusing on one idea! I am so 'up' in some ways.... I feel so blessed here. I am developing good friendships, happy with our church, get to start in a women's bible study this week, love putting my kids to bed at night and talking about their day, sitting at the dinner table and laughing with them all - things, in many ways, are SO good. Good, because I truly believe that we are in a place where God led us. Good, because despite a hard road to getting here, I am so content with my four kids on earth and how unique they each are. Good, because I have a husband who is my best friend and whom I couldn't get through a day without. Good, because it's an amazingly peaceful feeling to rest in God and his knowledge, his will, his care, his hand...

Philip and the kids and I went to dinner tonight (thanks to the gift card we had received for Christmas)... and it was so nice. Nice to just sit at the table with my husband and my kids, laughing, being silly, sharing a dessert... The kids are getting old enough to have conversation with us (mind you, crazy conversation). But it's just NICE. I'm so happy that we're all together, that everyone is healthy, that my children are growing up with two parents who love them. We are so truly blessed.

Having said all that, I want to share that our family is also going through an incredible test of faith. I don't really want to share the details on the world wide web, but needless to say, many of the things that we assumed were established and givens about our future here are, well, unsure. Again, not up for sharing it all via the web, but it is truly crazy and truly difficult. AND YET, as was reaffirmed to us in church this morning, what a wonderful peace to know that we are where God wants us. We all make mistakes, we all sin, we all fall short - but WOW, the knowledge that we are God's children and that no matter what, we are in relationship with him. We are sons and daughters, and no matter what mistakes we make, we will always be his sons and daughters if we have accepted his salvation. (This part is all taken from today's sermon)..... :) We can alter the fellowship we have with him by our actions, but none of those actions can affect the relationship, any more than we can stop being a son or daughter to one of our earthly parents. No matter our actions, we will always be related to them... and the same is true of our God. Once you become his son or daughter, nothing you do can affect that. WOW. How 'bout those cookies??? So anyways, despite the trials we are going through and how we may have gotten there, there is such a peace in resting in God.

Well, I feel like I just verbally "puked". HA! Not sure if you got anything out of all of that, but I think I certainly feel better!

Ready to goooo!

Last night Philip and I sat down with a list of bills, paper and a calculator! I did research all day on Dave Ramsey's steps, and we are all set to go! We actually already set aside our 1K emergency fund (out of money we got from his bonus. We were going to pay off a bill with it, but based on what Dave says, we're doing this). We have a list of the bills, amounts, and goals! I actually (being the Type A person I am) typed up 2009 Financial Goals List for us, complete with the month/date of when we plan to have that bill paid off and it's on my wall in front of my computer!! That way I can see it everyday and be reminded of our goals! I also (again, Type A person here!) made an excel spreadsheet for us so that we can track our goals and progress. I'm really excited to see our progress, so we can see how much debt we've paid off YTD. Seeing it on paper is SOOO good for my motivation level. I am SERIOUSLY excited about it! Mind you, none of this information is actually NEW information (except maybe the Emergency fund mindset). Sadly, Philip and I are just not good at doing what we know. BUT, I will have to say, we haven't ever actually come up with a 'plan' and goals and such. This is pretty new for us, and hopefully it will be life changing for us. We even left room for us to save up for family vacations, and other events!

The older boys went back to the respective schools today... and though I love them, THANK GOODNESS. There is something to be said for a schedule! I loved having everyone home for 2+ weeks, but after it's been raining for a week, I think we were all needing some mental stimulation! Ya for school! :)

New Years Resolutions

Okay, generally I'm not one to jump on the NY Resolutions-bandwagon... but I do have some things which are highly motivating me. Motivations, not resolutions. :)
1) I have gone back on Atkins. And to all you naysayers, who say that it's not necessary.. well, it's necessary for me. I gained over 5 lbs over the holidays.. and yes, that's not much, but it doesn't feel good when the jeans that were loose 2 weeks ago are now tight! I am still on my attempt to get to my pre-pregnancy weight. And its not really just about weight, it's about getting in shape and feeling good about who I am - even after having 5 children. So, I am ready to start doing wii fit and P90X. (If you don't know what p90X is, go to www.beachbody.com and check it out). My old college friend, Cara, sent me her day 1, day 45 and day 90 pics from doing P90X. I don't want to fork out the money for a gym membership, nor am I good lately and about wanting to put all the kids in the nursery there or take time away from Philip and the kids in the evening to go to a gym. SO, I have a treadmill in my basement, I have Wii Fit (which is seriously fun too) and P90X. Between those three, I should be able to have a variety of exercises at my hand and get my booty in shape (and yes, I meant that literallY0.

2) I am trying to get the book "Dave Ramsey's Total Money makeover". I am generally not one who likes to share or discuss our family's financial information... but I will just say in general that we have lots of student loans and more credit card debt than we should. We've learned some hard lessons in our marriage and have had more times than I like to admit that we were NOT good stewards of our money... and we are still paying for it. So I am getting on the Dave Ramsey wagon, and as the bill-payer in our family, we are GETTING ON TRACK. Got any tips, suggestions, encouragement? PLEASE share. ;)

Happy New Years all!

Returning from the long absence!!!

Well, it's been a few weeks since I've blogged... Those last few weeks before Christmas were just a mad house with shopping, cleaning for the company, school activities and such. It felt truly mad there for a while! We were Soooo happy to have all our family here for a week over Christmas though. They all stayed from Saturday to Saturday and although it was slightly crazy at moments, it was soooo much fun. We played tons of games, made cookies, made a ton of great food, went to the Georgia Aquarium and to the wildlife reserve... and all in all, just had a wonderful time.

Having said all that, it's also nice today to have our house sooooo quiet! :) Philip is blessed to have this week off work also, so we are enjoying a week of Daddy time. I even got to go see a movie this weekend with a girlfriend and her daughter!!! (BTW, Marley and Me is a GREAT one). We are trying to fit in a date night for mom and dad, but we still have to work hard to find a sitter for all four kids (anyone free one night this week, or afternoon this week - we'll take what we can get! ha!).

We've had some mysterious illnesses... Michael had to go to the Minute Clinic last weekend for a sinus infection, and the PN said she heard a heart murmur. I, of course, came home and googled it... and was prepared for it to be something or nothing. We took him to the dr today, and lo and behold - she couldn't find it! :) Ethan has also popped up with a mysterious lump in his neck, measuring 3 cm x 2 cm.... they decided it was a swollen lymph node - maybe cat scratch fever... anyhow, we're getting him on antibiotics. Trinity is on antibiotics for yet AnOTHER ear infection (I hope to get to the ENT in January) and the CAT is on antibiotics for some mysterious illness too.... Good grief!

I'm also quite sad because my laptop seems to have finally decided to "bite the dust". I'm currently using Philip's laptop... which I will probably have to inherit, as mine was the only computer we had with internet at home.. The joys of technology. :)

Please continue to pray with us about Dad's job. It was so hard to have him leave here after Christmas and go back to Missouri. We have such a deep desire in our heart for him to live here, and one we believe he shares... Philip and I both feel we have kind of 'slid off the saddle' in our prayer life lately, so we have renewed our ferver in that area and will be lifting this up daily. Please join us... We truly and finally feel settled here in GA. We feel like it's home, despite missing our family and friends so much.

Catching up...

Well, as life has gotten busier, I've gotten less and less frequent at blogging.. which I said I wasn't going to do!!! But, I fall into old habits easily.. so anyways, trying to catch up here.

Well, much to my chagrin, we are still waiting on Dad to find a job here. I keep on "PUSH"ing (Pray Until Something Happens), but everytime I pray about it, God's gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) voice reminds me "MY timing isn't your timing." :( I know He has it in his hands, and his will, but if it were in my hands, He would be here already! Obviously, it's not. Despite the 30+ resumes we send out a week! He has been getting phone calls on a weekly basis, phone interviews, and even has at least one or two interviews during the week of Christmas when he's here. I suppose I need to 'let go' a little, but we have room for him, He wants to come, We want him to come... HELLO, what are we waiting on?

On a happier note, we are just grateful... we are grateful for Philip's job, for what God is doing for him and through him... and for our home, our family, where GOd has led us. We are happy here, despite missing our friends and family. We are happy to be wherever God has led us!

Tis the Season... to pass it around

At least in our house it seems.. Pass it, catch it... Any kind of illness, that is! Poor Trinity was really sick last week! After 2 dr visits, and 2 days of 103 fever, poor girl had another ear infection and possibly strep. She's on day 4 of antibiotics and seems to be finally feeling better. Good to see my happy girl again!! Then last night, after we have a great afternoon of some Christmas shopping (complete with a sitter for the boys), we look at Michael and realize he is getting pink eye. :( Thank goodness we have drops left from last spring, so we started dosing him up. Christian was up coughing all night, which warranted him to stay home today from school... so I've been home with the four kids, trying to sanitize and isolate all those nasty germs. Fun. Winter season with four kids always is interesting here!!

We did finally get a tree up this weekend, and are having fun getting them in the Christmas spirit. Mostly though, we are just counting down the days til December 20th, when all the family comes to visit! YA!!! I wish it were this weekend already!!!

Christmas gifts

Well, Christmas has snuck up on me yet again. I'm all psyched for thanksgiving, and then bam-I have 24 shopping days til Christmas!
I've tried to start some on-line shopping, as it doesn't require me to take ANY kids to a store where I hear , "Can I have this, can I have that..." or the "I want" . (Commonly referred to as the "Green eyed monster" in our house!) My dilemma this year is what to get my kids this year for Christmas that A) Wont be laying around the house in 2 weeks B) Can't be used as a weapon of mass destruction against a brother, sister or parent C) Won't cost me an arm and a leg but D) Make my little green eye monster happy. :) Really truly I want to not 'overdue' it this year, and teach my kids more and more about the spirit of Christmas as they get older. YET, I want them to have wonderful memories of Christmas' spent as a family. I *Think* we are getting one big present that will be for them all, and then one small one for them to open. But then you have stockings too... you see how it so easily gets out of hand. I think for stockings, I want to stick to stickers, temporary tattoos... you know, little items... Our family is coming to visit this year for Christmas, and to us, that means more than anything we can open, but when you're 3, 4 and 6.. you still want something to rip the paper off of. :)

Got any great suggestions on how to remind my kids of the "reason for the season"?

Back from traveling!

Well, after a long absence on the internet world, I have returned! :) The kids and I were gone for 8 days and it was quite a whirlwind. I felt like I spent the entire week before we left, getting ready to go and then the day we've been back, I've spent trying to unpack and do laundry... and I still have neither one done! :) It's quite a task to get 4 kids halfway across the country with snacks, toys, blankies, pillows and everything else they need! I am happy to say though that I drove with just the kids and I, the entire journey to KC. We had a very nice dinner with Philip's Uncle Lynn and Aunt Gloria, who now live in Nashville. We then made it all the way to Paducah, KY and spent a very-unrestful night together in a hotel room. :( Other than that, we had few glitches in the road and got there Saturday afternoon. I now feel like I have conquered the world by driving 14 + hours with them all and still having my sanity!

We had a wonderful week with family and friends, and the boys especially enjoyed seeing everyone, since this was their first trip back since moving. The drive home was all in one day, but thankfully Philip was with us, so it was easier with 2 drivers (although harder to do it all in one day). I am just happy we all made it safe and sound there and back! We are looking forward to all our family coming to visit in about 3 weeks for Christmas!

I am also happy to report that when we got home, it actually felt like "home" now. I miss all our friends and family still, but it clicked, as we drove in our garage - we were home. Canton and Georgia are now home to us, and in spite of it all, that feels really good. Welcome home!

WONDERFUL Saturday at a Wildlife Reserve

Well, it has been a wonderful weekend. A reminder that I still think God "Drew us apart to draw us together." We spent pretty much the whole weekend together as a family. It was relaxing and just wonderful.

Saturday, we took the advice of my new friend Kristin and took the kids to a local Game Ranch/Wildlife Reserve. It's about an hour drive, close to Stone Mountain. OH My goodness, it was worth the 50 minute drive!!! We had so much fun, as you can tell from the pictures! It's filled with deer, squirrels, chickens, rabbits, pigs, bears, cougars (the dangerous animals are caged) and more... The deer and the tame animals just wander through the park and are fed, petted... it's amazing! We had deer following us, eating from our hands - they even let the kids hug them! The squirrels would literally run up to you, sit on their back feet and beg from you. It was simply awesome to be so close to all of these 'wild animals'!!!! Makes me think how wonderful it must have been in the Garden of Eden - where Adam and Eve walked among the animals and just 'hung' with them, as my kids would say. I can't even imagine walking beside a mountain lion... talking with them maybe? All beyond my imagination, but our little glimpse this weekend was exhilirating! We plan to take the rest of our family when they come for Christmas!

I'm off tomorrow night to do my first bargain workshop here, and then spending the week getting ready for my long journey with the kids!! :) Anyone have any extra benadryl?:)

My bargain workshops starting here... :)

Well, since moving, I have been FRUITFULLY enjoying living in the land of double coupons!! :) Both Publix and Kroger (my local grocery stores) double coupons up to .50... and have some dang good sales too! We moved and had to start totally over with freezer goods, which sucks, cause I had my whole deep freeze packed (we gave the deep freeze away to Jonathan and Tabby). So anyways, I now have a side by side freezer upstairs and another one downstairs.. not as big as a deep freeze, but still. I have now FILLED those freezers to the BRIM, and pretty much for almost nothing. :) Not to mention the slew of other great deals I've found.

Anyways, Philip has been telling some of his co-workers about my bargain shopping classes, as well as some of our new neighbors. I also met a lady the other day at CVS, as I was checking out... I was having a particularly good "CVS" night.. paid almost nothing for an entire cartful of stuff. She wanted to know how I did that, and after a little talk, she is hosting my next Bargain Shopping workshop here.

I might just say that I was content to let that go... not that I don't enjoy it and not that I don't think it's a great thing to share... I just figured that since I hardly knew anyone here that it wasn't realistic to start something that basically requires networking. I guess God has other plans!!! I am trying to let myself just be used by him, however he wants!!!

Family and such

Just had to say that we had a most wonderful time during the last 24 hours. Philip's Aunt June, Uncle Lowell, Uncle Lynn, Aunt RaeEsther and his grandma all stayed with us last night! June, Lowell, Rae Esther and Grandma were all on their way back to Pennyslvania and we learned that Uncle Lynn now lives in Nashville, so within a 4hour drive!! The amazing part is that we have a big enough house to accomodate everyone too!!!! The boys had a blast learning some new 'kung fu' moves (as they call them) from Uncle Lowell and I was reminded time and time again where Trinity gets her red hair and her looks!! She is DEFINITELY a Wise! :) Anyways, we had so much fun having a big taco dinner with them, and talking... its so nice to see family!!! So who's next? :)

I also heard back on my dad's interview... He had been waiting and waiting to hear... only to find out there is MORE waiting! Apparently, they want the 'interim controller' to give his input on hiring - and he was out this week and now all next week too.... so we continue to pray and wait!~ Did I mention that I HATE waiting? :) :):):) Maybe God's trying to sneak in a lesson on patience! :):):)

Other than that, we are enjoying the warm fall weather in GA. This week has been in the 70's and man, it's NOVEMBER! I'm looking forward to seeing what winter is like here!

And we also decide that we are going to KS for thanksgiving! ya! We are so excited. It should be interesting though, because the kids and are going to drive the 12-14 hours, and spend the whole week and then Philip will fly in on Wednesday and join us. Christian has the whole week of school and it seemed like a waste not to pack in some great friends/family time while we could. I think I need some prayers though for all those hours on the road with 4 kids! I must be crazy!

Our newest addition!!!

Daddy brought home a surprise for us on Halloween night!! His name is Zeus, and he's just about the cutest thing ever! He doesn't ever get to walk, because there is a long line of hands waiting to hold him! :) Technically, he was Trinity's birthday present... but I think we all know who the cat lover is in this family!

Bear thinks he is a proud new 'papa' because he follows this kitten around like it's his little lost baby. So all in all, I think he's fitting into the family quite well!

We also had a wonderful visit with Paula and Herb this weekend, who stayed with us for the weekend. It's always so nice to have family here - feels like a breath of fresh air, since we miss all our family so much.

We are still waiting to hear about the possible job offer for my dad, so PLEASE keep praying. :)

Miss 'Thang' is walking!

Happy Birthday Trinity Zion!!!!!

My baby is ONE today!! My baby girl, for whom I prayed for 5 years for - is turning one!!! I still distinctly remember the day, in my prayer time, when God told me, "You will have another baby. A daughter. Her name will be Trinity Zion, for she will be a new beginning and a healing." I wasn't pregnant yet, and in fact, we weren't both on board to even have another baby yet... Now, I'm not one to doubt God or his voice, but considering what He was saying was exactly what I'd been hoping for ever since the day Alexandra died (another daughter), it was almost one of those 'too good to be true'. A few weeks later, Philip said "Let's have another baby"... and exactly four weeks later, I was pregnant. :) I held those words so close to my heart, hoping that they truly were God and that she was a girl. At 20 weeks, Lynn (the same sonogram technician who was there and told us that Alexandra had died) said, "I can tell you 100% what you're having. That, my friend, is a little girl!" I still am tearing up just thinking about it. Philip and I cried all day, I think!! I love my boys more than words will ever express, and yet, there was something so healing for me about having another daughter. She truly has been lived up to her name "Zion" ... she has healed a part of my heart that was, until now, untouched. After a scheduled induction, in which she never progressed past a 4, 28 hours of labor, then a c-section - she is worth all the wait!

She is now walking and trying to talk, and has been the sweetest, most amazing little girl I could have ever asked for! I pray that with a name as powerful as her, that God continues to use her in amazing ways! Happy Birthday, baby~!

Slowly but surely...

Slowly but surely, this feels like home. :) I actually have TWO whole friends here now. Friends that I talk to on a regular basis and who I can call if I need to talk or vice versa... what a good feeling. I still miss my friends back in KS so much that if I think about it much, my heart hurts.

YET, there is an overwhelming peace about being where God wants us to be. The sermon at church yesterday was about Jonah and running from God... and it was a great feeling to know that we are NOT running from Him, but have done (to the best we can) what we feel like He wants us to do. And, it's a really good feeling to not be church-hunting anymore. As we sat at our prayer couch Saturday night, thanking God for sending someone to lease our house and for all He has done for us, I again reiterated that this church, in so many ways, is the most unlikely of places for us. :) Yet, we started giving our tithe to this church this week (instead of sending it back to KS) and man - it feels very good to be more and more settled.

We did a little more decorating this weekend, while my dad was here. OUr house really feels like our home now. :) I feel like in many ways, that my heart is in two places... but that God is slowly but surely filling my heart here. I firmly believe He has us here for a reason, although those reasons are still revealing themselves day by day. We had many conversations with each other and others, before we moved, about how much easier it would have been to pack up our home and our kids to move away if God had called us to the ministry, or to missions or something that the 'churched' define as 'ministry'. Yet, He didn't. He simply called us to be obedient and to follow the urgings in our hearts to go to a city where we knew almost no one and had to rely soley on HIM. Maybe that alone was His simple calling... I don't know, but I'm thankful to be able to tell my kids as they get older.. "Why did we move to Georgia?" "Because God told us to". :)

On a last note, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE having a prayer couch. In 8 years of marriage, we've never had something like this before, and in many ways, it's changing our prayer time together.
Please continue to pray for my dad through this week, and for the hiring company. I cannot even express how much we hope for him to get this job!!

HALLELUJAH - P.U.S.H.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!

Words cannot express my job today! P.U.S.H. WORKED! The company working with our house called today and OUR HOUSE IN KANSAS is under lease/purchase contract!!! Pray Until Something Happens - and IT DID!!!!!!! We have been paying 2 mortgages for 3 months now, and thank GOD, that time is ending!!!!!!! You can't imagine the amazing burden that has been lifted!

I also wanted to update.. My dad had a job interview here on Friday! He already had a trip planned here, and on Wednesday, a company called and asked if he could be at an interview on Friday. :) Well, he sure could! The interview went well! He has a follow up phone interview on Monday or Tuesday, and then they will make the decision by the end of next week (they also have 2 more interviews). Not only would it mean he would move here, but it's a substantial pay increase for him!!!! So please continue to P.U.S.H. on that!!!! :):)

Did I mention HALLELUJAH!?

P.U.S.H.

There is a little church down the road that I pass about 5 x a week, if not more. I pass in the way to Christian's games, as well as Walmart and various other destinations. Honestly, I'd be surprised if they have 50 people at their church.. but they have a little announcement kiosk by the road. For the past 2 weeks, they've had the following message on it.
"P.U.S.H Pray Until Something Happens". I LOVE IT ! It is my new personal motto. :) I wrote it on a sticky note and stuck it in the kitchen and am going to put one on the bathroom mirror too!! I have a couple of things that I'm "Pushing" for for, such as my dad getting a job here and moving (asap too!) and our house in KS to lease/sell. For anyone who doesn't know, we are on month 3 of paying 2 mortgages and although I am eternally grateful that God has provided for us to be able to pay them both, we can't continue to do it forever. It's making it impossible to pay off debt. So please remember those if you are thinking of us.

Trinity has been getting four teeth this week. FUN! She is getting up in the night, early in the morning, refusing to nap and just hanging on me non-stop. Joyous! BUT it is fun to see her get those top teeth and look more like a big girl. :) She also learned to say "Cheez" and scrunch her nose when she thinks you're taking her picture...and to take my phone, put it to her ear and pretend to talk. Not even one and she wants her own cell phone! LOL. But we crossed a major milestone this week - we are DONE With formula - FOREVER!! TO some, that's a nice thing, but considering I've been buying formula off and on for SIX years - HELLO - it's amazing! :)
Again, God has given me such a peace that our little family (okay, not so little) is complete. There are times I see those tiny babies or those pregnant mama's and for about 20 seconds, I feel that 'tug' .. and then my kids start screaming and fighting in the background and that vanishes as quickly as it came. :) It's an odd feeling to know that part of our lives is behind us and done (the being pregnant and having babies part), considering I'm only 31... yet, I don't really want to do it all again! I still have 7 non-budging pounds of baby weight to lose (suggestions anyone?), we're now done with formula, I only have one in diapers .. I don't want to start over, I just enjoy being pregnant and enjoy having a newborn. But, as with everything else, there is a time and place. Our time and place is over for that, and it's time to 'raise' them. Next year I'll have TWO kids in school full time.. I'm anxious to go back to school and go back to a career.. but it's just weird to absorb we're never having anymore babies. Anyways, I'm rambling ... I seem to have a lot of time on my hands this week, combined with lack of daytime-adult-conversation - so cyberworld gets to be my audience. ;) I guess if you don't like it, don't read it!

PS.. Here's a picture of my crazy girl from this week!

End to the church hunt!

Well, God has both a mission AND a sense of humor!!! As everyone knows, it's been a long couple of months of 'church hunting'. To go from a church home that literally is HOME and family, and to try to find that again is nothing short of miraculous....and well, probably wrong. God didn't lead us 14 hours away to put us in the same spot.

We've visited several churches, both big and small. I think we were looking for a fit, for family, for a place we felt like 'home'. Last week and today, we visited a church called "The River". It's a church plant, located about 5 minutes from our house, and is about 120 people. It's a young church, rough around the edges... Worship isn't that smooth yet, there are so many things that are still being figured out. Last week, we came home and Philip said that something 'clicked' for him... that he felt like maybe there was a spot for us and work to be done. Quite honestly, I came home thinking "well, where do we try next"? We even had another church we planned on visiting today, but decided last night that it was too far and for convenience sake, we would go to The River again.

Did I mention that God has a sense of humor? :) Today's message was about Jonah and Ninevah... how God sent him to Ninevah and it wasn't what Jonah had envisioned for his life. Well, call me Jonah. God gently - okay, NOT so gently, reminded me that He sent us here for reasons. Not just for Philip's job, not just for the friends we're making, but for a plethora of reasons. I believe the River might be part of that. There is a time to 'be served' and a time to 'serve'. I believe, after being so loved, taught, trained, blessed.. etc, that God has moved us to another place and another part of the journey, and that its time to put some of that to use. He has built in us a strong foundation of faith and family, and there is a need for us at the River. I guess I feel like we spent 10 years in Kansas being 'raised' like we raise our kids. Now we are (so to speak) like the 18 year old, being booted out and told that 'it's time to practice what you were taught'.....

Anyways, long story short,.. I think we found our church! It's not at all what we were expecting, nor looking for, and yet, I believe God has a place for us there. I am dreading it and excited, all at the same time... if that makes sense. Excited to see what He has for us and how He continues to stretch us.. as well as dreading the 'stretching pains' that will inevitably come along. We are where we are.. right where He put us. Thank you for the prayers of leading, as I believe He is showing us a step at a time. Funny how Gods plan is almost NEVER what we foresee, and yet turns out to be just perfect.

Now if we can just get someone to rent our house in Kansas! :)

Patience

For the past several days, I feel so often like I fail more as a parent than I succeed. If you don't know what I mean by that, then you probably shouldn't read the rest of this. :(

Let me begin by saying that three of my four kids are pretty easy kids. We have a few bumps in the road, but for the most part, they don't stretch me as a parent. Then, I have one of my children, who shall remain nameless in blogging world, ... who, well, stretches me. I can't decide if he is more like me than the others or the complete opposite, but no matter which one - I have days where I feel like I just can't WIN! Not that parenting is a win/lose situation, but you know what I mean. No matter what I do, this child is never happy, never content, never satisfied. If I give him chocolate milk, he wanted juice. If I give him juice, he wanted milk. Simple choices like "What do you want for breakfast" turn into a 20 minute argument because I don't fix it right, etc. I love this child more than words can express...but I just don't know how to get through to him!!!!!

I started thinking today how much God must identify. No matter what He gives me, I always find something else to want or complain about..... Gee, I feel like the pot calling the kettle black.
I'm glad that God continues to be patient with me, humble me, teach me and show me grace. Therefore I will continue to pray that I can do the same for my child and my children. God don't give up on me yet and I won't give up on them either!

Whew!!

Well, 2 birthdays in one week will wear a girl out! :) I officially have a 3 year old, 4 year old and 6 year old (and soon to be 1 year old!) People in stores look at me like I'm crazy when I'm out with all of them!!! You have no idea how many comments I get about "Are they all yours?" "Wow, you have your hands full"... yes, people, TRUST me, I know I have my hands full. :) Anyways, good birthdays - very low key this year. We just did birthday parties at home, with our family of 6 and cakes. Each kid got 3-4 presents and it was positively WONDERFUL. I know probably next year we'll let them have a party with their friends, etc...but the low key was SOOO nice.

We tried a new church again this week, this one was called "The River". Meets in an elementary school and is only about 150 people - tops. It seems very young and not 'together'... yet, Philip seems to see something about it. I'm still pretty on the fence.. We'll try it again next week though. We had a long talk about making sure we're looking for the right thing - as far as are we looking for somewhere to come and 'be served' or are we looking for somewhere we can serve. This church has definite opportunities to serve. To be honest, he feels pulled more there than I do, but I think I have my guard up a lot still, because I'm so tired of searching. I want somewhere I can just walk in and feel 'at home'...and maybe that's wrong - I'm looking for Faith Chapel, and it's not here. :( BUT, Philip pointed out that this reminds him in some ways of a young Faith Chapel, and reminded me that I didn't feel "at home" the first year or so we went to Faith Chapel either - that it has to become your home. SO, the saga continues.... but we might have potential here. AND the best part, if we do attend here, it is exactly 5 minutes from our house! That would be so convenient!! :)

On a good note, I really feel like Canton is starting to become 'home'. I feel so comfortable in our house, I have a couple of friends,... the transition is starting to ease and despite missing home terribly, God is giving me such a peace that this is home now. Thanks.

Birthday Week!!

Well, this week we have TWO birthdays! Christian turns 6 on Thursday and Ethan turns 3 on Sunday. Because I can laugh at myself, the picture above is me 3 or 4 days before I had Ethan. Can we say SWOLLEN and huge? :)

Trinity's birthday is coming up on the 30th, and I can't believe she will be ONE! I sadly realized that this will be the last "1st birthday" we have in our house!! Sad and happy.. I am content with my four crazy kids, but I do love that baby stage too!!

I have tried to remember this week that I am 'building cathedrals' and it seems to help my patience somedays as a mommy. We aren't doing anything big for the kids' birthdays this year, besides family stuff. I am taking cupcakes into Christian's class on Thursday, and I'm excited! It's my first time to do that 'cool mom' stuff in a real school... I can't believe my baby is turning 6!

I am also happy to report that I seem to have made two good friends! Shannon has 4 kids also, (but 3 girls and 1 boy!) and her son and Christian play baseball together. And Kristin lives down the street and has a boy and a girl. It's nice to have friends here finally to meet for playdates, talk to on the phone and text... Thank you God for answering that prayer!

Follow up to "The Saga"... The Invisible Mom

I got this forward in an email today... Thanks God, for the reminder that it's all good...



The Invisible Mother......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously, not.
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book.

And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte . I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.' At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right...
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.


Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does. We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

The saga of a Stay at Home Mom

I need a 'catharsis' today, so blogging is it. I feel like, since we moved, and I have less friends here to hang with, get out less, etc... I feel like my role as 'the mom' has been bigger. Mostly because I get less breaks (I think). For some reason lately, I comprehend more completely, what I am sacrificing in order to stay home with my kids while they're little. And please know that it IS a sacrifice, but that despite what I'm writing - I do NOT regret it for a moment. I cannot Fathom having to drop all the 3 little ones off at daycare each morning and missing those first smiles, having breakfast with them, and all our daytime stuff. BUT, there are days when I realize that I have given up an entire segment of my life and of who I was, in order to be there for them. There are days when I'm jealous that Philip has colleagues at work, gets esteem because of where his career has gone, is held in high regard for it - not to mention he gets to go to the bathroom by himself! :) Please remember, I said "there are days". It's not everyday and I don't want to change it, but there are days when I miss that. I miss people asking you 'what do you do' and being impressed by the answer. When you say, "I stay at home with my kids", I think half of them instantly assume I have no college education and couldn't get a job if I wanted to... My education is so important to me. I plan on going back to school and back to work... and for right now, being a mom is the BEST job I could have because I truly believe it's what is best for my kids. BUT, that doesn't mean that there aren't days when I miss 'the other side'. I know the grass is always greener, blah blah... I've been on both sides (I worked full time until Michael was born, I remember dropping off Christian at daycare every morning and racing to pick him up after work), I KNOW that I have the best side of it right now. Sometimes I just miss 'me'. The driven, hard working, accomplishing 'me', the 'me' that had an identity besides a mom. Sometimes I feel like I am ultimately responsible for the wellbeing of four children and that feels HUGE. Suppose they turn out to be homicidal maniacs? I will be to blame! Granted, I don't really think that will happen, but it just feels 'heavy' some days to be responsible 24/7 for them and for trying to constantly do the best for them.

After having said all that, I know that this time is fleeting. I know I've been given a gift that our family can afford for me to stay with our kids, that I see Trinity first thing every morning and last thing every night... I'm rambling today, just needed to get some thoughts out. I love my kids, I treasure them, but man, sometimes they sure do make me tired!

Picture from a friend

Just wanted to add this picture! We had several friends and family visit Alexandra's grave yesterday for us.... Heather took this picture and sent it :).

The continuing "Search for a Church" and Alexandra

Well, today Alexandra would have turned 7. I can't fathom the idea of having a 7 year old daughter... having a daughter still feels relatively new to me, despite Trinity being almost a year old. I've had 6 years of having sons, but only a year of having a daughter... so the thought of brushing and fixing hair, painting nails, dolls... just can't quite get my brain around it still. As always, I also have this hard time getting my brain around the concept that if she were alive - I picture in my mind having all 5 of my children together. When in reality, if she had lived, chances are very likely, we wouldn't have Christian. I got pregnant with him 4 months after she died, and I doubt I would have purposely got pregnant that soon afterwards (though I know God controls all that), but chances are good that none of our children would have all come at the times they did... I guess one of those defining moments that TRULY changed our lives and shaped it forever. I mean think about it, if we had her, we probably wouldn't have Christian and then the ages would've been different to have Michael, so he probably wouldn't be who he is... and so on and so forth.

Anyways, I am still comforted having read "The Shack" and the peace it left me with. I still have the image in my head of God holding Alexandra, with her little blonde hair - caring for her, calling her beautiful.. an image and memory that is implanted in me and is as clear to me as the night God showed it to me. I look forward to the day when I see her in Heaven, when we embrace and she calls me Mommy... I look forward to Heaven and when I no longer have to miss her and ponder the impossible questions of destiny above. Some days, days like today, I yearn for it... to be done with the trials of this world, and spend an eternity in joy. BUT, I must remember to make the most of the time we have here.

Which brings me to today. We tried a new church today (that's coming), but as we were getting ready this morning, my son brought cheers of joy to my heart. Our neighbor boy, who is Christian's age, was standing outside our front window as we ate breakfast and got ready to leave. (mind you, at 8:15 am!)... He's the youngest of four kids, and quite honestly, from our observances'... he seems to get lost in the shuffle at times. Sweet kid, though he tends to ring my doorbell too early on Saturdays to see if my boys can come play. Anyways, I look over to see him looking through the open window today. He asks Christian "Can you come play?"
Christian: No, we're going to church today. It's Sunday
Jason: Hmm.. Why are you always going to church? (YA!! He realizes that we go often!)
Christian: Cause we want to learn more about Jesus!

Can a mother be more proud? :)

So, on to church. A friend reminded me while I was in KS, that Charles Stanley, as well as his son, Andy Stanley have churches in the Atlanta area. Having listened to Charles Stanley on the radio for years, we were thrilled. Googled the churches, to find that their churches seem a far driving distance for every week, but we found out that Andy Stanley has 'satellite' churches for his church... one of which is 10 minutes from our house! yA! So we find out times, locations, etc and off we go today for the 9:15 service, that meets in an elementary school.
Nice people.. get the kids checked into their stuff.. Go to the auditorium.. And we had another "rock band" worship (as we call them in our house now). Actually, before that, they are playing REM's "Bloody Sunday" as people are sitting down. Interesting, we think... REM in church. Not that I have anything against REM.. but for church? Two "Rock Band" songs later, the offering song is John Mayer's "Waiting for the world to change". Again, I like John Mayer, heck I like that song, but for me, it doesn't lead to me to God or worship... and then the lights go out, the two screens come up and we watch a video of Andy Stanley's sermon. GREAT sermon... LOVED his teaching, but not sure how I feel about being preached to through a video. :( He closed with prayer (on the video) and everyone left. That was it, there is no pastor, no pastoral staff.. nothing. To us, TOTAL lack of accountability (feel free to send me your input if you disagree), but we were totally disappointed. I want MORE! I want more worship, more accountability... MORE!! It's so frustrating. We questioned ourselves.. is it us? Are we missing something.. This search for a church STINKS!!! :(

Pick me ups!

Well, I've had some encouragement over the last day. When I was in KS last weekend, my friend Dave, sent me home with a book called "The Shack". Well, last night about 9, I started it... thinking I'd read for a few minutes before bed. Well, about midnight, I finally finished it and went to bed - I COULD NOT put it down!! Dave told me that it was one of the most amazing books ever, and I couldn't agree more wholeheartedly!!! It stretches the boundaries of my knowledge of who God is.. and I love it! It soooo takes Him out of the box, which I think He hates being put in anyways, and showed me so much of His heart. Warning, it does have a sad side to it (although you see the redemption of it), and it ministered so much to where I am at right now. It reminded me of the side of God I saw just after Alexandra's death, the Abba, the healer, the deep love He is. If you haven't read it, RUUUSH out to get it and read it.

I also did some 'coupon/bargain' therapy this morning. Laugh if you want, but it certainly does give you a 'high' to spend $27 on groceries and have your receipt show that you saved $115 with sales and coupons!!! That makes about $35 I spent at Publix this week, with a savings of over $250. My storage shelves are rapidly filling up again! I am delighted to say that I have landed smack dab in the middle of "Double coupon" heaven here! :) Publix and Kroger both double coupons, and Publix also has B1G1 sales every week... Just for example, from this week alone, I have 30+ boxes of fruit snacks, 20 bags of Chex Mix, 20 boxes of cake mix, 10 boxes of oatmeal, 10 boxes of cereal, 2 free gallons of milk, and 10 boxes of toaster strudels. That's not even all of it... but that kind of excitement does help me out of my funk! Apparently there ARE perks to Georgia! ;)